we all know what this means: the olde finger up the olde bung hole. we think about it on the way there. will he forget? would we remind him? does he look forward to it, or does he resist? will there be a smudge spot left on the paper afterwards to be scraped up by an orderly? will he, this time, find a brocoli-sized nub in there t be burned out, sliced up + scare the be-jesus out of us? will it be time for that loathsome unit, the black snake? trapped for days with nauseating gulps of gator aid, cvs enemas + a nurse reminding us that 'the drugs are awesome'. so you think about it. all of it. if time is on your side, or if it's not. + you realize, as the clock winds down, that these visits will increase. that bad news will begin to happen to your body. that fear will intrude on sane reflection. that a sunny day might rain. so far i've been lucky in the doctor/diagnosis department. for the last 10 years i've had the same primary with the same 'you're fine' salute. he's thorough. he spends more than the alloted h.m.o. hurry-up, has seen me through minor worries + reads me like a country doc. like the honest auto mechanic who gets the difference between silly + serious, my guy never advocates procedures or drugs that won't heal or help. sadly, he transfered to florida. good for him. not good for me. my most recent annual is with a new dude who has, as the president might say, a 'funny name'. as soon as he comes through the door t check me out in my reverse blue-green house dress, my heart jumps. this guy drop dead resembles the phony interns i've seen on porn sites. the ones who 'examine' their hot young patients - heart, lungs, glands - only to eventually jerk them off into oblivion. the 'patients' mildly resist until they let go all over the place. so i'm doubly in doubt about my new guy with his long eyelashes + borderline lisp. 'uh oh' i'm thinking, 'the prostate check is gonna be weird'. he snaps on the rubber glove like nurse ratched + is in + outa there like a mouse to the cheese. whoa! the doc has skills. he wraps up the look-see, says i'm in good shape + informs me that in one year's time he, like my previous primary, will be moving on. i'll have t hunt n peck another fella (or woman?) t do the probe. based on a name. a funny name.