We say things like, I know, I know, I have to update my site or my blog, but I just haven't had time. Instinctively, I think we know it's not really that we don't have time, it's that for some reason or other, we avoid the subject for periods of time. It might be for pretty good reasons, too, but because of social conditioning, or our own drive to get things done according to our set Timelines, we bail on our better instincts to change the direction of the ship. Or we're just fuckin' lazy. It's our call. It's our reality.

The following started as a lets-just-purge-whatever's-on-my-mind moment, out of frustration that I hadn't blogged in weeks and weeks, and turned into a pretty refreshing session, not surprisingly. Sometimes blogging is like bucketing water off the boat. It lightens the load, and eases the stress for a time. But it seeps back in. Oh, it seeps back in... Whoops. Slipping into Lyricist Mode...

Anyway, I was going to wait and post something when i had something relevant to say about my music career, but that ain't happenin' anytime soon. FUCK. I try not to swear in my life, day-to-day, but FUCK. I mean, I've got a great day job now, but you'll see below, briefly, what my days are like. Every day. The main point for me, here, is that this IS what's happening with my music career right now. It's actually part of my artistic process, by design, to go through this kind of drawn on workload, to test how I'll handle it in the coming months and years.

I've been working 7 days per week for a few months now. We had a couple of people leave the company for various reasons, and the first time I was left to hold the bag pretty much on my own for awhile, but we eventually hired a couple of people then to help, but we kept getting busier at the same time, then another guy went down, yadda, yadda, yadda... I'm hoping it's not a cycle that will continute, or worse, the nature of the industry.

At any rate, the guys have finally hired a couple of people recently, so I can have a real weekend again soon, but as it stands today, I've had maybe 3 or 4 full days off since last winter. I honestly don't know how I've managed it. I guess I do actually like the job, and i'm not just lying to myself about that, or there's no way in hell I would have put up with it for so long.

So, I've been both very happy with my follow-throuh and appalled at the same time, by the following math:

8am - alarm goes. Start working as the web host sales and support guy. Work through lunch, don't stop until work is finished af 6:30, if lucky. But no, work ain't done yet. I've still got an hour's worth of .ca domain names to register when I get back. Back from where?

6:45pm-8:30pm - Go for bike ride to avoid decay. Go somewhere I can sit down and work like I am now, park, restaurant, whatever. Don't waste a moment. Therefore, listen to audio books while travelling, or try to make some phone calls. Take side streets on bike, since I'm technically trying to do more than one thing at a time.

8:30pm-9:30 grab a beer and finish day job tasks, while again doing two things at once if I have the brain power.

9:30-11:30+pm, add friends on MySpace Page, as that seems to be the only qualified traffic I can generate without a major Search Engine Optimization push on Eyeofthemoonkey.com, which mathematically, I really don't have time for right now anyway. Do it right, which means sending a greeting with my adds, and responding to people's comments. Laugh off the idiots who bitch about spam. Dream about having staff to help. Interns! I just thought of interns! Is there such a thing for songwriters?

11:30pm-1pm, Rehearse, because I've got a couple of pretty good gigs coming up. The second one, on the 29th, requires me to have a two hour set, which I've never really done before. Hey, actual prrogress for me, and not just my employer!

1pm-2:30pm. Another day gone without advancing my own stuff much. Why am i doing this again? Oh, yeah, web hosting is good for me, so this is a reallly good day job. Hold on, because that 80 hour work week is almost over...

That's it. So, here I am, 34 years old, still not actually creating my business, my contribution, but I believe I'm.... Getting.... A little bit... Closer... So I keep going. Soon, I'll have a little time back. Soon, I can do those things in my head that will really take my life to the next level. Don't forget the things that are going welll, and it's not like I've stopped learning or anything, and i'm going to have a two hour set now to draw on, which is awesome! But I'm still not selling any CD's, and i'm still not drawing many people to my shows. Someday.... Just keep working...