We finally hammered out a schedule! I've got two whole days off every week again! Woohoo! I feel like I just spent 40 days and forty nights in the desert. Time to celebrate by squandering those days off!

Yeah, right. Not this time, buck-o. I'm blogging this to make sure I DON'T do that, like I often have in the past. Ok, fine. Those days weren't squandered. They were spent thinking and learning... And playing video games. And smoking weed. But I thought a lot when I smoked weed. Whatever.

Anyway, lessons from a workaholic? Ha! I've never been looked on as much of a hard worker in the past. I've had my moments, especially when I was working in the restaurant biz, but overall, my life has looked more lazy-bones-ish than productive, to the untrained eye, anyway. Is a monk's life a waste of time, or that guy in the B.C. comics who sits on top of the mountain his whole life? Are those wastes of time? Maybe, if your top value is productivity, but when your top value is undersanding... lol, shit, that's another blog altogether.

What I'm trying to wind my way towards here, today, is a quick discussion about how I've been dealing with the work load I've taken on. I brought it in to my life consciously, but I'm still amazed at how well I've maintained my general mood through this whole thing. I normally would have back-slid by now, but a whole wealth of strategies have kept me in check during some of my wandering moments.

For example, I used to be afraid of work. I was an eighties kid, and I saw stories about greed and workaholism, and I saw people burn out, and die young because they worked too hard. All those feel-good movies of the eighties had a dad who worked too hard, so he didn't have time for their kids. At least, these were the things I noticed.

I wanted to avoid that, and to complicate things, I developed some bad habits with school work and my household chores that created bad vibes, and crap like that. I even used to think things like, why the hell would i want to do that job? There'll just be another one afer that. What's the point?

Later on, i developed a healthier outlook, when i recognized how a person really ought to have something to contribute to society. That leads to certain sacrifices, and offering up your time is one of them. Fine. I dig that, especially now that i understand more fully what it really means, and I've time to reflect, honestly, on what I'm willing to give up to achieve what I want to achieve.

Now that I've gotten into this super time management mode recently, I'm able to reflect on my old views about work, and more specifically, my old fears about work. I'm not so afraid of being that guy who works non-stop, for a bunch of reasons.

For starters, on the most fundamental level, i've learned how to actually enjoy the work. For example, instead of responding to stimulus from the outside world, for the most part, everything I'm doing these days is directly from a written plan. I can enjoy it, because I have a stronger sense of control over my freedom, which for me, has historically been my highest value of all. I couldn't give two shits about security, or finding a loving partner, but fuck with my ability to do what I want, when I want, and we've got a problem. There seems to be a need for flexibility here, but in general, you're beter off creating a plan for your life and then executing it, than you are wandering with just some general ideas, and reacting to the influences around you. I know this: if you don't have a plan for your life, someone else has one for you.

Similarly, I've managed to keep in mind that i could walk away, from everything, and I mean everything, at any time, and mean it. I can SEE myself walking away if I have to. After all, my expenses are still low, and I could survive for quite awhile with my current lifestyle without a job. My lifestyle is minimalist(ic?) at the best, anyway. I mean, I need a new tire on my bike right now, but I live downtown, so i could walk and forget the bike, too, if I wanted. I've really set myself up pretty well for this looming, big inevitable push towards the next stage in my life, which I actually think started already when I posted my Innies vs. Outies thing a few months ago, and joined Facebook/MySpace.

I've also been aware that time is just a math problem, and if you feel like you don't have 'time' for something, either make time for it, or let it go. Don't spin your wheels about it. Ask better questions, like, how could I make time for it? Do I really want it? How long from now until I can create that time? How can I keep patient until then? I know that whatever's going on, you can always blare a whistle, call an all stop, and perform a re-assessment. ANY time. If a paramedic or a soldier can do it on the job, I think I can handle it. Which reminds me, perspective is key as well.

I've just gotten used to the fact my life is pretty easy. It took a lot of training, but over time, I've trained my mind to default to things like, "my life is easier than most people's", and "I've got a pretty sweet deal here". MAN, having those as default launching points for thought patterns when you're in a PERCEIVED crisis is friggin' awesome. Just imagine that, if you don't do it already. What's the next thought after that? Well, if my life is easy, then all i would have to do is... Omg, lol, as opposed to, "my life fucking sucks", which leads to nothing productive. I hear "how the hell am i going to turn this around", or "how long until I get what i want here?" Yeesh. There's a whole book there. Take it if you want it. I'd call it, "Life is Hard. Life is Easy. Making Your Way Before You Start", and then I'd call Oprah.