TO MY DAD... MY FATHER....
RING...
She: "Hello?"
He: "Hi how are you? "
She: "OK"
He: " I have been thinking about you"
She: Silence on the other end of the line...
He: "I am coming to town at the end of the week ..and would like to see you".
She: "I will be working, I am very busy ..I'm too busy to see you. "
He: " Please... Lets try this time".
She: "I don't think so... I am so over trying".
He: "I want to see you.. I will call you when I get in ok? "
She: "Do whatever you want... I doubt if I will be here"
He: "I love you"
She: Silence on the other end of the line.. and hangs up the phone.
The next day....
RING...
She: "Hello?"
He: "Hi Sis.. it's your brother."
She: "Hi how are you?.. what a nice surprise!"
He: " I am fine Sis... Sis.. I have some bad news.. dad's gone.. he passed away . They found him dead this morning."
Silence on the other end of the line..
She:"What? ..no that can't be .... I just talked to him yesterday.. he is coming at the end of the week!!.. I just talked to him !! ...IT'S FATHER'S DAY!!.. HE CAN'T BE DEAD!!!.. I JUST TALKED TO HIM YESTERDAY!!
He: " Sis.. I need you to come.. to fly here for the funeral."
She: " I can't ... I just can't .. You don't understand .. I didn't talk to him .. he called me .. . I wouldn't talk to him!
I didn't talk to him! I just can't" .. (she starts to cry).
He: " I will make the arrangements and call you".
She: Silence on the other end of the line.. and she hangs up the phone... (starts to cry ..that "ugly" uncontrollable cry)..
My father died on father's day, he tried to reach out to me, and he died.
At the funeral , I never went in to see him during the memorial service.. I just couldn't . Instead I sat outside and cried and smoked like a chimney. Thoughts of.. "how could I ever live with myself again? " filled my head ...and I just couldn't wait to go find a dark bar.. have a drink somewhere and try to forget him. That was all I wanted to do, was to get drunk and forget HIM... how dare he leave ME with this guilt! I desperatley needed to find a place where I could live with me again. I did end up staying up all night that long night.. but not drunk, just looking to find that peace with my father.
The day of the funeral as I walked past my father, I put an angel pin that I brought with me from home in his casket and said, "I am sorry dad... I love you".
For a very long time I was still angry with him for not being there for me.. for me, and for my son. My dad went out for a six pack of beer, and never came home again. At least, that is the way that I saw it .
When I was growing up I had the perfect father. That neighborhood dad that played ball with all the kids. That dad that we used to brag about that got drafted by the Brooklyn Dodgers .
That dad that flew kites 'til the street lights came on. That dad that all the lost boys secretly wished was their dad.
That dad that the little girls dreamt at night of marrying some day.
But MY dad , he did come home again, several times. But I had not seen him. I was too busy being angry about the life that I didn't have with him. Instead of celebrating the life that I did.
It has taken me several years to celebrate my father and let dad back in again.. but I have.
Over the years I have opened that door again and finally found that key that I lost so many years ago.. and a smile comes over my face when I think of my dad...my father.
I remember all those great times as a kid... those perfect times ..
and how lucky I was to have had him in my life.
I celebrate those memories now , and these are the memories that I share with my son. And he will pass these memories of his grandfather to his children.
Thank you dad for being there for me.. for such a wonderful childhood.. for making me into the person I am today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD~
I LOVE YOU .. .
MY DAD... MY FATHER... HENRY
Born~ April 4th, 1928
Died ~ June 19th, 1999
I Celebrate Your Life~ Your Birthday