sitting in the dressing room in middlesbrough. writing a blog that's 2 days late. maybe 3. i'm on a tour calendar so time has no place or context in my life anymore. it could be monday. it could not be. i'm trying to piece together the fucked up jigsaw that has been the weekend. ....

we met attack attack and our mobile home at midnight on thursday and quickly got to work reacquainting ourselves properly over a bottle of vodka and iain's unifying djing skills. probably not the wisest move considering the early start we had friday for the kerrang acoustic show. we winged that one semi-succesfully, screwing up a mere 4 out of 5 songs. butchering hot n cold by katy perry aswell as some choice victims from our glistening back catalogue. luckily, our costumes and the most moist halloween cake ever took the edge off and distracted the assembled throng. it was a damn good time, so thanks to loz at kerrang for the brilliant cup of tea (really was) and a lovely spread and to all for their high spirits.

we sauntered over to the o2 academy in birmingham where we were greeted by the cherubs in funeral for a friend and fightstar and young guns. started off brilliantly as a musical evening and ended quite fuzzily as a race to half-death. it was quite a nice way to start tour, really. we drank some drinks and chewed some fat with old and new friends. tore through the venue and the bus in a cape and one devil horn (oh, just me? uh yaaah,ok). the show itself was notable by its vibe, so thanks to everyone in the crowd for reminding us what it's like to play an awesome show and have a good time with other humans. you danced and sang and bounced and it made us feel all warm and gooey inside like a greggs festive slice. apologies to whoever was throwing glowsticks at the stage. it's not my fault i have the agility and reflexes of a futurecat. good times.

saturday was coventry. we've never been there before and OH, what an experience it was. the venue was decked out (no expense spared) for halloween. the show was probably the hottest, wettest experience of my life. this, combined with a lack of electrical plugpoints near the stage made for a bit of tumultuous experience with wiring. by this, i mean that i got electrocuted halfway through the set and heard my teeth rattling in my head. not good. i should thank everyone who made the effort to dress up. we neglected our duty to do so due to poor time management and a general lack of coordination or organisation. i did plan to go as andrew wk, but i couldn't find a suitable wig. sorry. you all looked lovely. the party that followed was a bit of a wild one so i decided - quite uncharacteristically, might i add - to retire to the bus to enjoy a nice asparagus and mushroom pizza and a few movies. get me!.

day off in coventry followed. oddly hangoverless. didn't feel quite right. a bit unnerving. like i'd been abducted and sent back to earth. i ventured into the city regardless, to investigate. i was quite charmed by a nice little tudor area with all dem crooked buildings and tingz. that was nice. bought nothing and went to see fantastic mr fox, which rocked my fucking face clean off my skull. amazing. the boys went for curry and i thought better of it. we're on tour. there are strict rules in a certain closet of our bus which revolve around the numbers 1 and 2. one of which is acceptable and the other, not so.

today i find myself in middlesbrough. i dropped an astonishing £4.51 in wilkinsons. that actually excited me. i'm so bored that soundcheck is actually about as exciting to me right now as the smiths reforming and playing their greatest in the corner of my bedroom while megan fox pours liquid gold into diamond encrused goblets and bays at the moon.

i don't know who's gone out of x factor, but please god let it be the welsh boy who's setting our nation back centuries with his neanderthal post-song rambling. stop calling cheryl cole 'babe' on national tv. stop saying tidy. stop existing. stop singing. go away. i know where you live. you're not fireproof.

neil from attack attack is my gambling hero. he just keeps winning. it's like he got the almanac from back to the future 2 and brought it on home. i'm jealous.

i can feel the linear form of this blog crumbling in front of me. we attempted a bit of a horror movie marathon to celebrate all hallow's eve. we watched lindsay lohan teeter on the brink of nudity in 'i know who killed me'. anyone seen it? probably the most quotable film i've seen, well, ever. i recommend anyone who hasn't seen it, buys it from hmv at once. £3 pound that keeps on repaying you until your emotionally satisfied beyond your wildest dreams.

i'm out.

x