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Current mood:  cheerful Category: News and Politics
Bush chides Putin over Georgian invasion.
Bush
There is one thing that this administration will not
tolerate, and it is the infringement of our copyrights.
In 2003, myself and Dick, copyrighted the words...
Invade, Invader and Invasion along with shock and awe.
We also patented numerous invasion techniques and unless Russian ends this mockery of our legal rights and prevents Georgia from using these terms, we shall take legal action on this matter...
Putin
We in the Russian Federation do apologize but are really unsure as to what we are apoligizing for. Your country seems to have taken outsourcing to an extreme, going to great distances to acquire cheap labour. This document printed on Mars!, is in the Martian language and is not valid here on Earth!
To be continued
Harper chides Putin over ceasfire agreement
Harper
When are you going to live up to your cease fire agreement with Georgia?
Putin
Harpiee, my dear friend, nice to hear from you.
Harper
I am the prime minister of Canada my name is Stehen Harper, not Harpiee!!
Putin
As you say, Stephie Harpiee, my you sound shrill today.
Have you been bad mouthing those you call, commie liberals, again?
Harper
Lets's get back to my origial issue, the ceasefire agreement you signed with Georgia.
Putin
What about your deal not to squander the commie liberal budget surplus, over many years I might add, appeasing your rich buddies with tax breaks.
How about the Kyoto deal that was signed and broken by your government because an exxon budget surplus is somehow better for the Canadian people. Huh Huh.
Harper
There you go again, changing the subject. Leave Georgia alone!!!!
Putin
Sorry Stephie my friend
I really wanted to invade George, but I couldn't get Georgia off my mind.
To be continued
Dion seeks advice from Ehud Olmert
Stephane Dion
Hello Ehud, how are you
Ehud Olmert
Hello to you as well and who might you be?
Dion
I am the leader of the Canadian federal liberal party
Olmert
So you are the little #%@# Stephen Harper was referring to.
Dion
But I am not so little now, since I do what Newton once did.
Olmert
And what was that?
Dion
Newton stood on the shoulders of Giants as I do now.
Just ask Michael Ignatieff.
Olmert
Are you standing on his shoulders now?
Harper
But out Dion, this is a three way now, Conservative efficiency
has cut out reduncancy and now all cabinet phone lines must be shared.
Olmert
Stephen, what a surprise!, both you and your little #%@#
parliamentary friend but sharing the same phone line?
Have you not heard of conference calls?
Harper
I have an urgent need of your assistance and could use some
of your stalwart advice.
Olmert
And how is it that I can help you Mister harper?
Harper
Cut the formalities, we in the conservative party are enduring several major scandals and corruption allegations and could use your sage advice.
We need to call an election soon and our with mentor to the south getting booted out of office, if not impeached first, we ask. How does an Israeli prime minister deal with corruption scandals?
Olmert
My advice to you is to do what has become a fashionable, always in vogue Israeli political technique to escape prying eyes.
Harper
And what is that?
Olmert
Resign!
Harper
Not quite the answer I was seeking. Goodbye!!
Dion
Excellent advise you gave Mister Harper, Ehud
Olmert
And who might you be?
Dion
I have already answered this question.
I am the future prime minister of Canada
Olmert
I have been detected, Goodbye
Dion
Osama Bin Laden, you are an idiot!!
Goodbye
To be continued
October 05, 2008
Mister Harper tries to work with the opposition
Harper
How would you like to become a vice president?
Dion
Are you planning to reopen our constitutional debate and become president of Canada?
Harper
No, and besides, I would not have you as a running mate because you will not obey orders and the conservative party here is very militaristic in conforming to my will!
Dion
Then what would I be VP of?
Harper
I have set up an offshore revenue generating company that needs a major quality in you that I lack, namely intelligence, which is why I am so militaristic, an IQ is unnessary, just ask my friend to the south.
For now, there would be just two employees, you and the president, who also happens to be the janitor. You would get your duties assigned to you by her.
Dion
And why would I allow myself to drop to such a lowly position.
Harper
Because I am more popular than you with the majority of Canadians, most dumber than me because they intend to vote conservative again, thanks to successive educational cuts
and the relocation of cutting edge technology to other countries.
A process that was accelerated in the 1950's by emperor JD, you have surely heard of him haven't you?
Dion
Your cost cutting is hurting the Canadian people, doing so to give tax breaks to corporations that neither need the money and are not Canadian.
Having to share a phone line with you monitoring all calls makes it very hard for other parties to plan election strategies.
Harper
Why, thanks to my loyal followers at Canwest, mine is the only face that is ever seen during their online newscasts. My ads appear before every news item is shown whereas the CBC is showing equality
to most parties. That will change when there is a conservative majority and I fire all of those liberal minded equality lovers and replace them with my loyal fans.
Dion
What makes you think that you will get a majority?
Harper
Because I control most of the major media outlets in Canada through my loyal followers, especially the pollsters, most of whom are conservative
and willingly skew every poll result in my favour.
If I do not get a majority, then I would get turfed out as party leader so I have to make like Robert Mugabe and silence my competition ASAP.
After the election our party will have the wherewithal to survive the onslaught of corruption charges that will surely surface and then we will
use a BC Liberal survival tactic and cancel the fall and spring house sittings.
Dion
Can you get off the phone and let me use it, I am waiting for an urgent call.
I hear a distant ringing sound, that must be them.
Harper
Don't worry, I will get it. Hello, imperial presence Harper speaking!.
Osama (not so Bright) Laden
You sob, calling me an idiot!!!
Harper
Whoa my friend, I will call you back, how can I reach you and where have you been hiding, in a cave ha ha. We have been searching for you everywhere.
Laden
Jihad to you
Harper
This one is for you Stephane
Stephen Harper as God
(c) Nov 28, 2008 - Robert W Doucette aka AllMeRWD
Stephen Harper
Hi I'm back and this time with an exceptional idea
that is about to be implemented soon.
God
I beg to differ on that!
Harper
Alright I had a passing thought
God
Wrong again
Harper
Alright. I admit that I plagiarized but I shall
soon control all power in Ottawa with the new bill
that will do away with funding my oposition, without
funding, the green slime will soon be cleaned up and polluted hot air will once again fill the house
of commons, joy of joys. By the way, who are you and how did you get past the security systems?
God
Given your background it is easy to see that you
are totally unable to comprehend my presence, just
as your counterpart to the south, George Waning Bush, whom you avidly supported for his war efforts, was also unable to do yet still made the ludicrous claim that I was on his side.
Osama (not so bright) laden
You tell it like it is God and I eagerly await the
moment when I will be with you in heaven.
God
I must inform you, you stupid twit, that there will
be no heaven for you nor for your erstwhile buddy George W.
The only god either of you could possibly believe in would the mythical Ares, the god of war.
On second thought, I have an idea that will allow you both to be in heaven, unfortunately neither of you will be able to mingle with the other guests.
Osama, when you and George have reached the end of the line, there will be a spot just for the two of you. Since you enjoy sending men out dressed as women to kill innocents, you shall be the bride of George, who thinks he is a man, but I have my reservations on that. He was too cowardly to
enter the front lines of any war he supported.
You too, Osama, are guilty of being a coward, sending children and old women to bomb innocents in open markets and schools yards.
From the place I have chosen for you both to enjoy an eternity long honeymoon with each other. Other perks include being able to see many of those your actions in life caused their untimely deaths but your lust for each other will take up most of your time here, but at times, you will feel the torment of your just punishment.
Osama, your followers who choose jihad also have
special treatment similar to yours. Those whose actions in life included the belief that seven virgins would await them in heaven for their egregious deeds, will have these seven virgins, but with a twist, each virgin will be a very muscular dyke
who is full of compassion and kindness, especially
towards children. For eternity, each of these
followers of jihad, will endure a very torturous
death at the hands of these virgins, only to be
reborn to repeat the same kindness they bestowed
upon those who died when their world exploded around them.
George, for centuries, the religion you claim to
belong to, is a creation of the mistaken beliefs of man.
The power of bias in this religion is sickening. In the state of Texas you call home, sex education is frowned upon because it will interfere with country singers making money off of the misery that ensues when the young are poorly taught and are forced to be educated in slimy honky tonk bars.
Marriage is another man made instution, not one decreed by myself. It was devised during an early kingdom that endorsed many wives per one man. Because an iota of social consciousness existed, this ruler decreed that all of his wive were his, but to do this he had to shift the blame to God in order to persecute those who expressed an interest in any of his wives and women took the brunt of this obscene decree.
Osama, this is very evident in your religion, where a young lady may be raped but then not believed and ends up being stoned to death by men stoned of opiate derivatives of commuting adultery.
George, this was accomplished often by the burning to death of women. Even the gathering of herbs for healing and sustenance became a cause for a charge of heresy to be laid upon the shoulders of women, who were called witches for daring to claim
to be healers by members of your misguided faith.
In Canada, the gayness you both openly claim to abhor, was rampant in the residential schools but was kept hush hush. Similar situation in the UK and US, where ministers and priests were protected and these incidents involving men of the cloth, unclothed, were white washed.
George, to this day, your religion keeps inflaming you to order thousands of incendiary bombs dropped that do little but take the lives of innocents while somehow missing your enemy.
Also, how is it, that many of your own fellow Americans are suffering financially, and you choose bail out a Saudis prince, who just happens to be a major stakeholder in CityCorp.
Does this joker really need a helping hand financially from the
American taxpayer, if so, let Joe the plumber foot the bill. Better yet, maybe if you and your friends were to pay some taxes, it would help ease the burden for many, just a thought. Harper
I guess George and Osama now know my secret identity.
Flaherty
Excuse me prime minister, but the reporters are waiting!
Harper
Tell them God will be out shortly. I must get my crown and scepter.
God
So this is why your government supports weak identity theft laws, so that you can claim to be me.
Harper
Butt out
Dion
To whom are you speaking with prime minister?
Harper
Myself! Do you not recognize me, I am God!
Dion
Call a doctor quickly, the loonie is falling again
Harper
I have also made a dent in the CBC by forcing the
cancellation of AirFarce. The show was actually
good until they began to poke fun at me.
I showed them, now the cast is out of work!
May
Why a doctor? Harper is just being himself, ranting and raving, talking to himself.
Harper
Soon there will be no more free speech in Canada.
With the mentoring I get from my friends at Canwest, the CBC will soon be out of my way and the world, no the universe will be mine.
Layton
I would say that it seems he finally lost it, but
on the other hand, I am not sure he ever found it
to lose.
Is there a doctor around, it seems that this gay hater needs a straight jacket!
To be continued
Dec 03,04,05 2008 (c) Robert W Doucette aka AllMeRWD
The Pro Rogue
Harper
The coalition has spurned the Canadian flag.
God
Maybe you need glasses!
Harper
I thought I told you to butt out!
I have proof that there has been a conspiracy
to bring down our duly elected government.
God
HarperGate! Has a nice ringing sound for the
Christmas holidays. Once all those unemployed
workers figure out how to spend the tax breaks
without having the income to utilize them, just
maybe, will qualify as a miracle.
Harper
Of course it will seem miraculous to most people,
especially to my adoring public.
Layton
Still talking to yourself, your loonieness?
There are rumours that you intend to prorogue the
parliament so you can hide from the inevitable!
Elizabeth May
His demigod delusions seem to be getting out of
hand. Watch out Jack, he has become a true pro rogue.
Harper
It is true, I am very much a pro and proud of it.
I have invented a new game called hide and seek and I invite all members of parliament to join in.
God
Not!
Harper
Watch what you say or I shall seek a legal injunction against you for bullying me. I shall wear a pink shirt in protest as well as a pink slip to show my empathy towards all those who have lost their jobs and now wear pink slips.
Dion
You are definitely out of touch with the working people.
Their pink slips are not articles of clothing.
Harper
If used wisely, they can be. I have a new idea for a unique Canadian industry. A line of clothing made from pink slips which will allow the unemployed to be able to afford a new wardrobe.
Bob Rae
An where will this new manufacturing plant be located, Alberta or Ontario.
Harper
Don't be ridiculous, China of course.If it were located in Canada, then the goods would be to expensive for the unemployed to purchase. I am so blessed with great ideas.
My
newest will help lower the deficit by selling off our existing
socialist institutions to the Americans who seem to have an extreme
shortage of them and in January will be in a position to purchase them.
Michael Ignatieff
Are you intending to pull a JD on us by selling off our space industry?
Harper
We
intend to sell off all public hospitals and schools at good prices to
help out our neighbours to the south. This will be great for the
Canadian economy, especially auto workers, who will assemble the
offshore made bus parts so that children from the troubled American
south can attend school in our northern communities.
Ignatieff
That is sick!!
Harper
Hide and seek!Hide and seek
Tag you're it coalition
Catch me if you can
I have my opponents on the run and now it
is time for me to hide.
To be continued
1:08 PM
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