i liked what you had to say.but it has been 12 yrs for me and i have either failed so bad or dont know where to go.i find that being alone for all these yrs that there will never be anyone else out there for me.what happens to men in my age group that they cant take a true lady and be happy with her heart and her mind?it seems that in this age group 40 to 55 that they have to have one thing and we all know what that is or they have to have what you call arm candy.im not bad on the eyes and i have a great smile a loving way,good heart and im very honest.why cant that be enough?why cant men seek this out 1st then see where it goes from there?now im sure there are wemon out there that do the same thing, like ask a man what his net worth is! but thats not me. do i keep looking or do i give up.i dont think that old saying"when you stop looking love will find you" is true.so what is the truth, is there someone out there that knows it?if they do i would love to hear what you have to say.thank you for your words,,,,,,,,,,,and let me know when " the shadow in the night"will go away.
 

I feel your pain, Dawn...

The only thing I can tell you, is that I found the man I now love, where I least expected him, and when I least expected him. And sure, he wants "it"... I f I did understand you right. I'll just call it by the name, if that is ok for you, otherwise my story becomes very fuzzy and unclear, I am afraid.

A male friend told me "Women have great sex with the man they love, men love the woman they have great sex with"... I was offended originally, I have to admit.

But:
For a man, the moment of making love (which to me is totally different than having sex) is the moment he can get in touch with his deep emotions of love and connectedness.
For us women, thta is almost impossible to understand: When we don't feel at least a "click", most of us will not even think about sex. Most of us will only consider sex when in a safe and stable relationship.
What is important: Both ways are fine. One way is not better / ethically superior than the other. Biologically spoken, there is reason for the difference: we have to make sure that our babies survive, the men have to make sure that they spread their genes as wide as possible: This is all for the benefit of the survival of the human race. (Or at least, it wás, in the Stone Age - but our instinctive default system has not changed a lot).

Now as to your question "Do I keep looking or do I give up?"
Please, please, please GIVE UP!
For when you give up, you will focus on becoming happy on your own, having a great life without a need for someone else to fill any gaps. Get going to create the perfect life for yourself. And when you have, then it is actually not important anymore if Mr. Right comes along. And I promise you: he will stand on your doorstep, just as you start thinking that actually life without a partner is maybe even more fun than with one!

The saying "when you stop looking love will find you" is only true in that sense.

Just have a look from the other side: Are you attracted to a man who is really looking for a girlfriend, or are you attracted to a man who has a great life, who is happy with who he is and what he does, and who is willing to make space for a girlfriend if she is really great?

Become that girlfriend: Become attractive by being the one you would feel attracted to.
For a great guy will feel attracted to an independent happy woman, someone who does not NEED him for whatever.

I can tell you my own experience ( I have been fighting with the same question for a long time too). When I decided I was NOT available anymore, everything shifted. And after literally 3 weeks I met my later-to-be partner. But I was NOT interested, so he thought I was married or so. He gave me his card, and we mailed about business for 4 months. Then we met again on a seminar, and I still had this big sticker "not available" on my forehead. This really intrigued him, and he by that time had fallen in love with me already - although I was not at all aware of that fact!
A friend of our's then arranged a third meeting, and after days and days of talking and discovering each other's values, principles, life objectives etc in the end he dared to say that he liked me. I by that time had started to like him too, because of his way of looking at life, the way he was just being himself.

We now are on the same path to spiritual development, sometimes I go faster, sometimes he goes faster, but we are on the same track. We talk about literally everything: also about sex and what it means to us. I checked with him what I thought about the statement of my friend, and he told me that it did feel like that. He can now be much more in his male (Yang) energy, because his deeper instincts and emotions are accepted for what they are, and I can go much deeper into my female energy. And, boy, I have ever had a relationship which worked so effortless, and I have never been so happy as well (apart from the time I decided to raise my daughter on my own without any help of any guy - that felt really great too!)

Dawn, I hope I did give you some new ideas, please tell me your thoughts.
I really think this is a place where we all will be at some point, and I really think your thoughts and emotions are recognizable for many (if not all) of us.

I'll wait for your answer.