Where are you grandma?

Everywhere I go, I hear "grandma". Children laughing at play, while grandma pushes them on their swing. Children's satisfaction as grandma  kisses them goodbye on the cheek. Children's quiet sense of alertness as they listen to one of grandma's story's. But for me , this all hurts. I think, where is my grandma. I say aloud, " Grandma, where are you? " But I don't get any reply. I start to think of places you might be hiding.I search and search.

 Your old apartment, where you and I stayed up all night playing cards.

 The laundry mat where we folded clothes,  drank v8 juice, and nibbled away at our three musketeers

.The old house on Coleman where we would wake up early every weekend to go to yard-sales, find neat stuff.

Sometimes, although for me it's very hard. I take a peak at the cemetery. I think to myself, Maybe, just maybe, you'll be there sitting atop your headstone. Your long red hair, beautiful as ever. It would be pulled back in that golden beret you loved so much =]  Your new angel wings glistening in the sunlight. But than, as I notice you aren't there, I look down at your headstone. The angels sitting atop it, with their wings, and their smiles. I start to cry, cause it has been a few years now, and still I cannot find you grandma. Where are you?

Than I look up, I ask god , " Do you know where my grandma is? My best friend?", but still no reply.  I start to think, " Was it me? Did I do something wrong?"

But by this time, I am exhausted, so I go home to get some sleep. I crawl in to my bed, and I cry. I cry tears of laughter. Tears of sadness. Tears of past times reminding. I just get so overwhelmed with emotions, I have to let them go.

I am almost asleep, when it feels as if hands are gliding gently through my hair, the same way you did grandma. The same way you did. . "Is it you grandma? Is it you?" But then I suddenly feel safe. I know it's you grandma. I know it's you. I thought that I was alone, when I came into this room. But than I think about it, and I realize something. All along, you have been in the last place I thought to look. You are in my heart grandma. I found you. No more hide and seek grandma. I win. I found my best friend again.I know now, you are here.

 You are with me. I am safe all the time, cause you are guiding me. Someday, we will meet up again. You can teach me how to fly, when I am done here on earth, earning my wings.

Grandma

I love you

7/10/08