Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming.

Please stand for our opening hymn:
(Dark Chocolate) How sweet thou art.

Let us bow our heads:Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this high holy day. Where nobody specific or important had to die that we might purchase discounted halloween candy for half (or in some noxious cases, 75%) off. Apparently good things happen to an apathetic people who revel in cheap pure sugar and artificial flavors. Amen.

Delicious Sweet Wacky watermelon that sometimes makes my teeth hurt, have mercy.

Jolly Ranchers Lollypop have mercy

Red round strawberry (or maybe cherry) flavored sugar tube have mercy.

Twizzlers have mercy.

Flavorful though somewhat sour Eerie Apple that makes my mouth water have mercy.

Jolly Ranchers Lollypop have mercy.

You may be seated.
A reading from the receipt of Ralph to Michael, chapter 1, lines 7-10

"And 'lo did SC 3658 Ralphs saved you 1.75. Reese Cndy. RC. 1.74 F. Thus he spoke to the masses, 'SC 4538 Ralphs Saved You 1.75. Jolly Ranchr. RC 1.34 F'" Amen.

Please turn to page 37 in your missilette. We will sing verses two and three.
You lift my blood sugar up 'O Lord.

A reading from the letter of St. Hershey to the Ephesians.
"Do you not taste and see? See how creamy and milky the chocolate is in your mouth? Do you not feel it's kiss or hug (with almond) upon your cheek? How can you bear witness and yet deny that I am your lord?"

Please stand.
Alleluia. Aaaaaaalleluia. Alleluuuuuuuia. Alleluia.
A reading from the Gospel of Wonka.

"And he came down from the big rock candy mountains bearing two delicious plaques and he spake, "Behold children of ADHD I come bearing the ten commandmentos that are as delicious as they are imperative." And the sky turned hazy and the non-believers were turned cold and shaky as the insulin spirit moved them. Some began speaking in tongues of shocking blue, extreme red and spooky green moving many to laughter and tears at the sight." The Word of Wonka.

Amen.


wow. this turned into a really long diatribe to remind you that all halloween candy is now fifty percent off and just as delicious as yesterday (though I did get a peanutbutter chocolate pumpkin that was shaped more like a peanut butter chocolate turd.) Don't wait to long or it'll all be gone (and then we'll have peanut butter chocolate turds that are supposed to be peanut butter chocolate christmas trees.)

Viva la revolucion!