Ah yes, the springtime. The cold winter days are over (hopefully if you live in GA) and the flowers are in bloom, and of course love is in the air.  You have couples getting together and some even getting married which is always a beautiful thing.  Now, I've been living the single life officially for about 3 years and though I have date a bit here and htere, in that period of time there hasn't been anything official.  And I know to t a lot of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes, this time of the year sucks and somemay just go out and have fun in more ways than one.  This isn't a pity blog or a dating application for Match.com or LavaLife or even a rant about love how it sucks sometimes.  Personally, though I am cool with the single life I have my own unique philosophy on love that you may not necessarily find in a self-help book on relationships.

When you feel for someone, love at times tend to give you an ideal and you try to make that person fit into that ideal (i.e. knowing the person is really not that great of a relational partner but you say that he/she is not that bad) and some times you may not realize that until after the relationship.  Love can blur the line between fact and fiction especially when you are so caught up in the person and think that he/she is that person you will be with for the long term and they can do no wrong.  I have had my heartbroken before and looking back on it, I realized how madly in love I was with this person and thought she could do no wrong and held out through the dreama hoping and praying it would be okay in the end. And to be real, I think that's what hurt me the most.  But it gave me a more realistic view on love instead of the traditional "love sucks, I ain't getting with anybody ever again." Granted, I am a lot more careful with who I give my heart to meaning that I don't just tell a lady that I love when I hardly even know her and we're talking about the basic stuff here.

I guess that's part of the reason why I am single, while the other reason is that really me having a girlfriend is not at the top of my priorities right now and hasn't been for quite some time.  But that does not mean I won't give a relationship a try if the feeling is mutual.  It just amazes me sometimes how many times I get appraoched asking why I'm single. However, I'm not the type to be in a relationship just to be in one.  I wanna be able to have an emotional and spiritual connection first because I think you will value the relationship a lot more rather than simply base it solely on physical attraction.  Granted, we all want to be with someone who is equally attractive in our own eyes, but I guess for me I'd rather be with someone who I have a spiritual and emotional connection with and may not be all that attractive phyiscally in my peers' eyes than to be with someon I have no connection with but she may be the most beautiful girl in the world.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm a bit beyond the simple boyfriend/girlfriend phase and want something deeper than that and I believe that I found it. However, please believe that I'm not on the hunt for marriage right now.  Don't think that if a lady starts diggin on me and vice versa that I'm going to put a ring on her finger by the second date. That's just plain out creepy and I do know people that are like that (bless their hearts). But one of my professors put me up on something that gave me a bit of guidance and it's definitely something that I want to share.  She was talking about how during slavery times that though a lot of them were torn away from their biological families, they had significant others.  Now, most people would immediately assume that a significant other is or has to be your romantic partner, but that does not necessarily always have to be the case.

The real definition of siginificant other is someone that you have a sacred bond with that no woman or man on the outside can break.  This is someone that you would do anything in the world for at the drop of a dime, even if it's at 3AM. You and this person have an authentic line of communication meaning that you do communicate well with each other when things are fabulous or even not so fabulous.  And probably the most important thing is that you have mutual and unconditonal love for this person good, bad, sunny days, rainy days you name it.  My professor did not go that deep into it, but she mentioned that it's never an all or nothing situation.  When she told me about it, I starting thinking of who met that criteria of significant other.  It could be a family member that does not necessarily have to be your biological mother/father, best friend, professor, whoever and it could be more than one but not a ridiculous number. 

After thinking about it, I have trinity of significant others. One is my mother (that's a given because she birthed me and she's my heart), the second one is a woman that I've known for a good bit of my college career, but the third one is more recent and it wasn't until I was in deep mediation that I got that epiphany.  We haven't known each other that long, but it seems like we've known each other for years. In the short period time, she's opened up herself up to me which she really hasn't done with anyone else in a long time, and we link up we have this spiritual and emotional connection that really seems so unreal but yet is very pure and innocent.  We promised each other that we wouldn't break each other's heart and that we'd be down together for whatever forever.  All that just hit me after we had a very unexpected conversation that I was really not in the right state of me and neither was she (and no we wasn't drunk just tired). But I had to mediate on it deeply to make some sense out of everything that happened and it all came toegether like Voltron at 3am when I had to take a test in 6 hours.  That relationship needed to have an explicit definition because she wasn't just a friend or buddy. Marriage was not in our immediate cards because we haven't known each other and I'm not the type to just rush into something like that. You can't always predict how things will be in the future. Sometimes it's best to live for what's currently going on now and take it a day at a time. She's my significant other and I'm very much cool with that, and to all my single people's just think about the folks that mean the world to you the most. Yes the single life may have lonely spots but having those people in your life close by is just as important if not more. So who's your significant other? Great vibes, good thoughts, positive energy. I'm out!!