The Washington Times recently announced that the religious right is struggling to find a GOP candidate they can get behind.  My campaign manager, Max Greenlaw, and I spent some long meetings today looking at the situation and thinking about reconsidering my "stealth" campaign.

I've never been one to hang on to a hog that wants to wallow.  I told Max,  "Let me loose son.  Let me say to the people what's on my mind."  Max, bless his heart, has always been a little reluctant along those lines.

"We need to stay a little closer to the mid-line," he says.  "Run a stealth campaign and sneak up on them."

Well, I'm telling you today Horseradish on the stealth campaign, Horsepucky on the middle ground.  Here is how it's going to play.

First, I want to repeat to everybody, so it is clearly understood, that one of my first priorities will be to get rid of that pesky First Amendment.  Our enemies around the world, hell - er - heck, even some of our allies, know what side of the bread the apple butter lives on when it comes to secular government.  You just can't have it, and expect at the same time to have the Big Guy on your side.

Second, I know your daily Bible study is important, but sometimes you've just got to read a newspaper, or watch the TV news.  How many of you out there never even realized that there is a WOMAN running for President of these United States of America.  Well here's another shock.  This WOMAN is LEADING the polls in the Other party.

Ward Cleaver had it right when he said, "June, I think there are some dishes downstairs that need a mother's attention."  Are you listening Mrs. Clinton?

Sometimes, when my name comes up, there are those that talk about a wacky conspiracy.  Well, here is a wacky conspiracy for you. Mrs. Clinton, and the GOP front-runner Rudy Guiliani are BOTH FROM NEW YORK.  That is a conspiracy if ever there was one.

Think about a President from the great open spaces.  Think about a President who knows about water rights.  Think about a President who KNOWS who taught those damned Texans to ski.

Thanks, Em Gideon.