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Category: Life
It's been abusy week and a great week for jokes in my emails. Here are a few gems to cheer you up on the Freaky Friday!
A blonde drops off a blouse at the cleaners ... On the way out the door, The lady at the counter says " Come Again". The blonde says "Noooo.... It's toothpaste this time ...you nosey bitch."
A very wise man once said,
"You should treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner, when she stops sucking, replace the f' ing bag.”
Our troops in Afghanistan prove yet again they have retained their sense of humor. One of them sent this: "YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..." 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean." 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least two. 10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
Dear Abby,
I am a 13 year old girl from ....West Virginia.... and I am still a virgin.
Do you think my brothers are gay?
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below. Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1."
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'
St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'
So the zebra went off in search of God.
When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'
God simply replied 'You are what you are.'
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?'
The zebra looked puzzled. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.''
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.'
The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'
'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'You is what you is.'
WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin after yo white ass!!!
A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend Is very well endowed.
'Damn, Bob, you're hung!' Jim exclaims.
'I wasn't always this impressive; I had to Work for it.'
'What do you mean?' Jim asked.
'Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter.. I know it sounds crazy but It actually made it grow 4 inches! You Should try it.' Jim agrees and the two say good bye.
A few months later the two are in the Same locker room and Bob asks Jim How his situation was.
Jim replied, 'I did what you said, Bob, But I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!'
'Did you do everything I told you? An Hour each day with butter?'
'Well, I was out of butter, so I've Been using Crisco.' Wait for it ...........
Wait ...........
You know it's coming...
Bob exclaimed. ' Damm it, Jim, Crisco is shortening
MORAL OF THE STORY: You gotta follow the recipe & men don't listen!
I don't write I just post'em..
Have a Great Weekend!
Peace!
4:13 PM
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