 |
Current mood:  tested Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Things
get harder then better. My mind races and I try to think logically
about where Im going in my life. Physically, financially,..mentally.
Im not changing who I am My mind has opened to so much since I have
been down here and I have always been a person of curiosity, wanting
answers, analyzing, wanting to know more about spirituality and love. I
want to know so much about, love, life, people. I want to find this
meaning of an almost lifeless exsistance. The more I try to be who iam
(which i have always known who i am) i get an even worst response.
People where I am are my life, my love and family. People outside of
that will never see me. What the fuck am I waiting for? I think "are
you fucking serious?" "Waiting to see if time will change how they see
you?" Whats done is done and no matter how much they say or how much of
YOU they have seen,they look at the world differently and dont see you,
the good in people lie, people put on a good face, an open heart and
most of all: fucked excuses as to why they just cant be open enough to
just give you sometime to try and listen and look in your eyes and see
the beauty in what is known to them as unbecoming. I hope and pray and
wish these feelings away and they get stronger and i cant forget him or
leave these feeling. I still wanted a chance with him, but i want to
lose these feeling because its hurting, though I like liking him and
would never change him for the world, i just want to forget him because
no matter how amazing he is to me, he'll never see me that way. that
much is okay with me, as long as he finds his happiness with someone
that will find him and see him as beautiful as he is to me. girls, dont
change this one...hes smart and beautiful, he is so different, thats
what makes him amazing to me...i think its time for me to move on. I
have to bow out and know there is nothing else at all I can do to help
him see me. He is who is and thats what made me see him in a light i
had never seen anyone before in my life. despite age, race or
weight...i looked in his eyes one time and saw him...ive never felt
that before. someone made me want to be better and know more, and to
know him. Its an amazing feeling. Im glad it was him, despite whether
we got together or not. Im glad he was in my life.
If you
understand what Im writing or know what Im talking about, you will
agree with me. Open your heart, just one time, to one person you never
thought you would and you will see the real beauty in this life.
Sometimes the beauty you seek may not be of the mountains or sea or the
rolling hills, but in someone that was put in your life for a long time
or always or maybe someone that just passed you by on the street. That
is real beauty to me. thats how i found real beauty in my life. Just
love...you will never find another person more beautiful than one that
will open their mind and heart to you and just show you love. Love is
the most beautiful, most powerful and attractive ingredient in a person
in this life and with a world that is falling apart, whats so wrong
with choosing something different, maybe it would have been the one
thing to open you up to life and the world. so, though I'll never have
him, I have my happiness, my enlightenment.....just knowing i was
blessed to even know him. My life feels richer now and ive opened my
eyes so much since then. Im so happily stoic...life has left her true
mark on my heart by letting me know this person...thank you
2:22 AM
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|