One of the cardinal rules of throwing a party is to NEVER LET PEOPLE DRINK ALCOHOL AT YOUR HOUSE PAST MIDNITE!
     I followed this rule meticulously until last Friday night.   I had the house to myself that night so some of my "friends" decided to come over, and I let them in.
     BIG MISTAKE!
     Things started off calm enough.  There were about ten guests.  Of course none of those cheap bastards brought any liquor themselves.  I set out a 1.75 bottle of Svedka Vodka and two bottles of lemonade and told everyone that if they wanted more, to go to the liquor store and buy it themselves.  This is enough to keep 10 normal people drunk for a long long time.  Everyone thanked me and agreed not to take any more bottles from my liquor cabinet (I always keep numerous bottles on hand for special occasions.)
     People were talking and dancing and having a good time.   Probably until about two am things were terrific.
     And then it happened.   I felt it...sort of like an illness...the energy at the party started to change.   People started laughing louder.  Some people got into an argument.  Everyone started trying to "be the DJ" and change the music.  One of the guests started getting hyper and jumping all around.   Another one of the guests was too drunk to walk and he lay down on the couch and fell asleep.
    At first I was comfortable with the increasing craziness at the party.  But by 3:30 am it was getting on my nerves.  Someone knocked over a lamp.  Another person almost knocked over some glass shelves in my living room.
     One of the guests picked up a pillow off the couch where the drunk guy was sleeping.  He started hitting another guest with the pillow, pillow fight style.  I felt something wet splash all over my arm from the pillow.   Suddently i was alarmed.  WHAT IS WET!???  I screamed.  I grabbed the pillow and it was soaked.  I ran over to the couch.  The crotch of the guy sleeping there...and his entire leg...was SOAKED with urine.  He had peed like a racehorse....the entire couch and all the cushions and pillows were drenched.  EWWWWWWW!
     Two of the guests were doing tekquila shots.  Tequila?  I had set out vodka, not tequila! I looked over the the liquor cabinet...COMPLETELY RAIDED!  They had stolen at least 100 dollars worth of liquor...they were drinking it like water.
     OMG!
     So I grabbed the shot glasses out of their hands before they could take another drink and kicked them out!  hahaha.  I kicked everyone out.   GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!  Party is OVER!  THey had to carry the guy who had pissed on my couch outside and drive him away.
     "You don't have to go home, BUT YOU CAN'T STAY HERE!"
     It took me two days and some strange expensive enzyme based chemicals to clean up the couch.  
     But it ony took me one second to remember the cardinal rule...NEVER LET PEOPLE DRINK ALCOHOL AT YOUR HOUSE PAST MIDNITE!
  Don't do it!