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Current mood:  fascinated Category: Life
It continues to be surprising to me where and in what form comfort comes when one is going though a rough spell. At some of the darkest corners of life, often it isn't the tried and true friends who help to dull the pain but rather, the odd acquaintance whom you've met quite accidentally that provides the most warmth.
Recently, I'd been having a difficult time finding the point of anything - feeling lost amidst the hustle and bustle of trying to always move forward in life. Sometimes the best thing to do when in such a state is to stop, put down the shovel, jump out of the hole for a minute and assess why you are digging in the first place.
Working so hard not only at a career but at staying healthy and active, drinking less, meditating more, giving back to the community, all while balancing the checkbook making sure every "i" is dotted and every "t" crossed, certainly gets exhausting. It would be well worth it if the pounds were melting off, my mind seemed any clearer and that someone was benefiting from my tireless pursuit - least of all me, but that wasn't the case.
All of a sudden, the people that I used to rely on the most couldn't help me at all, and I found I was drawn to an unexpected place where I could breathe a little more easily and where, whatever I was going through, seemed to melt away once I crossed the threshold. I didn't know the people particularly well, but collectively they formed the most accepting environment I had found in years. So I did the only thing I could do, I went there and I waited. I waited to feel better. I waited for the cure to come.
The good news is that, regardless of everything else, you do indeed round the corner, probably not in the timing you would have liked or in the manner in which you would have desired, but you do, in fact, heal.
If you are lucky enough to not have to worry about shelter, or food, the most important thing, we all must agree then, is connectivity with others.
Sometimes it takes a jolt to awaken your deadened senses and to remind you that you are on the planet and that you do matter. Sometimes you can't explain the reasons you connect with another human being. You only know that in their presence you feel a little more secure, a little more at ease, a little more like yourself, and that, for an instant, you are willing to let down your guard.
While it is wearying to think of telling the "ins" and "outs" of your story and of starting over, what you forget is that this process of rediscovering yourself through someone else's eyes is well worth the effort.
After you have finally gotten over your self conscious ways and exhausted exaggerating your deficiencies in the mirror, you realize that feeling drawn to someone and being exposed to its vulnerabilities is a gift. For it opens your eyes to a more vibrant world and to possibilities and to hope long forgotten.
3:00 AM
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