I was reading a Time Magazine at the gym the other day and found an article on Nelson Mandela. I was struck by the entire article but by these lines in particular:
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".....the message was clear: Life is never either/or. Decisions are complex, and there are always competing factors. To look for simple explanations is the bias of the human brain, but it doesn't correspond to reality. Nothing is ever as straightforward as it appears......."
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Validation is important and somehow reading that article seemed to ease my mind over things I didn't even realize were bothering me. Whenever one takes the initiative to make a major decision one is always confronted with people's opinions. Some are welcome, supportive in nature and have your best interest at heart; some are still concerned for you but carry an air of "mother knows best," and still others are straight-away mean and debilitating, explaining to you just how systematically you have destroyed your own life.
After my last decision, I struggled with the lack of a sound-bite for those who needed it. They wanted a categorical explanation as to what was happening in my life and I wished I could oblige mostly because of their level of anxiety over it.
If you are anything like me, you take your life cues from how it feels and not from how it looks to anyone else or how it "should" be, nor do you concern yourself too much with the fact that your road has slightly different curves on it than most. Of course, hind-sight is 20/20 and I suppose, if pushed I would say that I would change some things in my past if I felt the goal was to look better on paper. However, while that goal is admirable in its own right and certainly has more security in one fashion or another, it isn't mine. Does that concern me? Of course it does. We all have to find a way to survive in this world with each other while remaining true to who we are as individuals, but if I were to have changed my history so that I melded more seamlessly with societal rules, then I wouldn't have learned the valuable, though sometimes painful, lessons that I was taught on my way to today.
Trying to fit all of that in an answer under 2 sentences became difficult. Then I heard Nelson's words "decisions are complex, and there are always competing factors." I decided that would be my mantra. I would use his words like a favorable wind to carry me forth until I found a safe place to regroup, regain and rebuild.
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Entire Nelson Mandela article here:
http://www.time.com/time/printout/0,8816,1821467,00.html
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