I am remembering how I was so impressed by the people in met in Nunavut. They had so little in the way of material possessions, yet they were happy. I came home and looked around at all my precious crap and decided I wanted to be like that. I vowed to gete rid of all the stuff weighing me down and quit all my impulse shopping.

It was a great plan. It lasted about 2 months. Los Angeles is a very difficult place to be an ascetic.

So here I am, trying to find that mindset again. I was watching a pair of ospreys hunting, and my first thought was, "I am moving away from this house and will no longer see things like this in my back yard." You see the problem - I can't let go of anything. People, possessions, experiences... I can't seem to live in the moment. I TELL myself that I should, all the damn time. Myself is not too swift on the uptake.

I want to see beauty and make its memory a part of me that I can take anywhere I go. I want to NOT WANT THINGS. A home people will ooh and ahh over... so what? I hardly have anyone over anyway, it's just ridiculous. If I hadn't craved possessing people and things, I would not be going through all this misery today. I had every advantage, and I squandered it on unworthy people and things.

I sure hope I've really learned my lesson this time. If not, it's time for another trip to the Arctic.