As I move firmly into life in one's early fifties I am realizing that personal milestones have come and gone, birthdays have long ago lost their luster, I can now count singular hairs on the crown of my forehead and waking up (and rising) each day has taken on a whole new meaning, a quiet celebration of sorts.
Each day I rise to the notion that there are new possibilities, new challenges, the unknown that brings on anxious moments and ambitions for the day swirling around in my noggin that beg my attention. A few coffees into the day I regain focus and launch full-throttle on a mission to accomplish much and disappoint few. I will leave no stone unturned in an effort to make the lives of people I serve just that much better than it was yesterday.
Most of us develop a sense of raison d'etre, or reason for being or existence. We would like to think that there is importance in what we do and dwell long on the thought that just once in a while there is recognition and thanks for our painstaking efforts to serve and please...and yes, from time to time we are fortunate to receive thanks for all we say or do.
I have dedicated a career to the profession of property management and administration and over the past thirty-five years or so I have met with the good, the bad and the ugly. Human beings come in all shapes, sizes and makeup and much of my career has been spent dealing with mostly the negative side of people although there have been most rewarding moments along the way.
More recently I have chosen a somewhat different direction insofar as the type of property I am managing which currently involves a seniors residential property. It has become much more of a personal approach to property management than I have ever encountered before. Here, the human element is much more succinct, much more evident and clearly of much greater importance than I have previously encountered. In this instance the people clearly come first. While astute administrative focus is critical there is much more of a human element that comes into play than I had imagined necessary or probable from the outset.
And so it is that I go through my professional day sharing so many wonderful moments with people living their retirement years in various stages of health, happiness and focus on life and all that it means today...and what it has meant over a lifetime. This field of work has its inherent challenges. I find myself constantly battling with attachment vs. professional detachment. After all, in this living environment one of the saddest aspects of my relationship with the residents is gradually losing them to failed health...or worse.
And when these dear people pass on it is life itself that cuts clear through to the bone and in its path shredding a heart stilled in momentary silence for the loss of a dear friend, the pain of their loved ones and friends who mutually reside here. I am an on-site manager, co-managing the property with my wife and another manager couple. We are faced with decisions daily that do not always coincide with our clients' expectations or perceptions of how their place of residence should operate. Living this close to all these wonderful people is a miracle and a curse all wrapped up into one neat little bundle.
To spend a half hour of friendly chat with a resident brings out a history of their lifetime that is nothing short of amazing, inspiring, and in some cases most saddening. Some have lived through the first world war, been held captive by the German SS in death camps where they somehow by the grace of a greater being managed to flee to eventual safety and freedom that they were not destined to realize again. They have deep, deep scars that haunt them decades later. They look upon other human beings with suspicion, disdain, upset and disinterest...and yet others with affection. For them, life cuts like a knife to their very core of existence.
And so it is that a couple of generations later, fast forward to my own life and all its surroundings today. I too find that at times life has cut through me life a razor-sharp knife, paling in comparison to what so many of these people I have come to know have gone through, yet troubling for me in my own right. Illness and premature death has plagued my family for all my years, something many of us know and live through.
And so it goes that now, as I move forward into a period of no small significance in my own life that I have gone through losses of my own. My mother was ravaged by Alzheimer's Disease for six horribly long and painful years before she succumbed to its ill effects. And now it is that my father has lost much ground with his own health failing, physically and now mentally. We live each day as a precious gift not sure what tomorrow will bring or how heavy life's proverbial knife will wield, cut with ugly precision and take away, piece by wretched piece, from our existence.
To see a parent become more and more dependent is not only deeply hurtful for their child, it is truly bewildering. Their gradual physical and cognitive losses become a cumulative nightmare to cope with. Life management becomes a heavy burden demanding more of one's attention that one can conceivably afford. Life becomes more and more about wins and losses, chances and victories...and defeats.
We are truly blessed with all that life has to offer and it is surely never to be squandered, yet we do. Each passing day brings longing for yesteryear when hours and days and months were carefree, relatively speaking, and tomorrows were something of eager anticipation. I still long for tomorrow, still believing a new day will be better than today or yesterday. I still have hopes and dreams. I still love and want to be loved. Life is still wonderful in many ways...yet, man it does cut like a knife.
Here's to a better tomorrow.
copyright 2009 Don MacIver; All Rights Reserved