Way back in 1998, something exciting happened here in Britain; Dixons started up Freeserve. Now anyone outside of Britain won't realise that Freeserve revolutionised how we used the internet. Until then, we had to pay a monthly fee to get online, then pay again per minute to use it. Freeserve had no monthly fee, just pop the disc in your pc and you were away. Other providers soon followed suit. Life was great back then. I got to download the teaser trailer for Episode 1, even though it took me 8 hours.

Then in 2000, Freeserve were bought out by Wanadoo. I had reservations at first, after all, Wanadoo were French. It was in 2002 that I first got Broadband, and it totally changed my life again. It worked (mostly) perfectly. A whole 512kb download speed. Wow. Life was great again.

Then in early 2006, a leaflet dropped through my letterbox. 'Fantastic News' it said on the front, 'Something Exciting is Happening'. Opening it, I discovered that Orange actually owned Wanadoo and were changing the name and service. Not that fantastic I'm sure. Now Orange aren't the best phone company around, which is why I chose never to use them. Surely they should get a grip on their phone network first before making changes to our Broadband service. But it seemed I was stuck with them… for now.

Then the connectionless days started. This never happened before they took over. It only happened occasionally, but soon became more often. Other people I knew that had Orange Broadband had the same problems. We would often get the 'Problems with the Network' message upon phoning them. When you actually spoke to somebody there, it was always 'A problem with your modem', even though most of London had the same problem, by our guess.

Connectionless days were soon joined by the waiting minutes. These waiting minutes just to get on the Internet happened every day. These minutes crept up to half an hour. Then it became common to wait a whole hour before being able to get on the Internet. According to a survey in March 2007, 68% of Orange customers were unsatisfied with the service, they were voted as the most unreliable Broadband provider, and two thirds had problems when it came to cancelling their service. Time to take the plunge and move on.

Phoning them up, it took me 2 attempts to get through to somebody. Then when I did, I finally got to say those magic words to Orange that I had dreamt about many times. "Can you send me my MAC code please?" After being asked why I was leaving them, they told me they would email me the code within 5 working days. They didn't even try to pressure me into staying with them, but I'm sure they hear this a thousand times a day.

The next day, my code turned up. I was free to sign up with somebody else, BT in fact. I ordered my service, due to switch over the next week. Things were starting to look up again. Could life be great again once more?

No. The next day my Broadband service was cut. Orange couldn't even wait a week so that I could use the Internet up to the switch over, even though I had paid for the whole month. Thank you Orange. I'm sure you're laughing to yourselves right now. Almost as much as I will be laughing the day your Broadband service in the UK goes bust. Now I will have to get through the week using dial-up. I can do it… I think. This time next week I should be with a new service and even faster speeds.

I will miss you Orange. All those long hours staring at the flashing green light on my Speedtouch modem. The short conversations we have had when you have phoned me up on a Sunday to offer me a free mobile phone. And I will miss you sending me all your crap in the post offering free upgrades that never happen.

If there was ever a phrase to sum up Orange when people ask me, it is 'A shower of Shit'.

The future's bright, the future's life without Orange. (And it has nothing to do with you being French).