I've been inside way too much since I got burned.  When you have Tic disorder and you are ADD, you have to wiggle. I've been wanting to get outdoors for days.  There really isn't an excuse, I've just been a combination of busy and lazy.  Its two in the afternoon, and if I don't get out now, that early fall sunset will decrease my chances of exploration.  After dropping off a movie, I head to Pandapis Pond.  Nothing even close to seclusion, but it does have some nice bike and horse trails that are rather long, and great for walking and running.  I park my truck and take the same trail I took last time.  Three weeks ago, I ran 20 minutes out and 20 minutes back, the same way.  But I assume that most, if not all the trails that lead out of Pandapis lead right back there.  Its mostly filled with families and kids and girls jogging with dogs around a well-maintained gravel trail that runs completely around the small resevoir.  I begin running down one of the bike trails, jumping over large roots and somehow pretending to be in the wilderness.  I needed this.  I am graduating in December, and still somehow am not completely motivated to do well in school.   A few classes missed and a few homework assignments done half-way later, I'm worried about making the minimum grades.  But that was on my mind on the way here.  Now, I'm breathing moutain fresh air on a trail that I will not run into many, if any people.  I come up on an old man, and he says hello.  I stop and chat for a second, and then head up the hill.  The trail is obviously man-made,  but only somewhat maintained.  At least I am on ahalf-beaten trail.  I walk for about 30 mintues, a slight inclined slope.  I walk on rocks, set by someone else, over the almost non-flowing Poverty creek.  I have never come this way before.  Last time, I took a right at the split, but this time, I am heading West. The small brown sign says "snake root", and it sounds interesting.  I don't figure it will be too far, and I will turn around and come back after I find it. Still walking uphill, I've been gone for about forty-five minutes.  A slight sweat breaks, and the air is cool, but the sun is shining bright.  The trail begins to steepen and becomes more narrow.  Leaves are covering the majority of it, but I can still tell that it was made by people.  Deer trails are different, and for someone who doesn't know the woods, they might not even be visible.  I keep walking, deeper and deeper into the woods.  Shots ring out from far away.  But this is still all recreational, at least I think it should be.  As I'm still walking over the leaf covered, I know that I don't have more than an hour and a half before the sky turns black.  A slight hint of fear runs through me, but my legs keep moving.  My spirit wants to explore.  The most dangerous animals in these woods are rattlesnakes and copper heads, but its been rather chilly the last 2 weeks.  I still have to watch my step, because if they are not in hibernation, they would be on the trail, where some dirt is still left uncovered, and was beaten by the sun all day.  My biggest threat now would be the Black Bear, and I figure they are timid, especially with the opening of hunting season and the constant firing of guns close by.  The only thing that can hurt me today is myself.  I am still climbing, and the mountain is becoming much steeper. The sunset is always either to my right or in my face, telling me that I am still heading roughly Southewest, the same way I've been walking for more than an hour.  I could turn back now and certainly make it to my truck before dark, but it won't happen.  That thought crosses my mind only once.  I begin to see the crests of other mountains off in the distance.  The sun is shining in a way that makes the colorful leaves burn to their full potential.  It is stunning.  If worst comes to worst, I can spend the night out here.  Under the stars.  But more importantly, under the leaves.  All I have with me are my keys, my worn Nike all condition gear shoes, shorts, my hat, an old German knife and the dressings that are wrapped around my left arm and right hand from the fire I tried to jump just 10 days ago. And a sleavless vest with short sleaved shirt.  I keep moving.  The sun is bright in my face, at eye level now.   It will be hard to see in less than one hour. The trail continues, but it begins to turn back.  I am filled with a little dissapointment, but still yet, a little relief.  But it only goes toward the East for a couple of minutes, and then continues Southwest uphill.  If I am going to turn back, it better be now.  I am so high now, and things look and feel different from up here.  It reminds me of when I went hiking by myself in the Great Smokies of Tennessee.  The air has cooled at least 10 degrees, and I have to close my sleavless vest in order to keep some heat and hydration in.  About ten minutes later, I come to a fork.  Two totally seperate trails, unmarked.  One goes off to the left, back roughly Northeast, to where I think my truck is. The other continues on the same path, leading away from my home.  The trail on the left is narrow, but still looks to be man made. Although it heads back East, those trails meander so much that its hard to tell where it will lead.  I pick the Western trail.  This trail is a little larger, and it looks to have been a road at some point. It does turn into a road.  You would need a rugged 4-wheel drive to handle it, but it has been recently used.  I continue, and finally come to another road which looks more user friendly.  I know that this road either leads towards civilization, or away from it, both good.  Its not well maintained, but you can see hints of gravel on it.  To the right heads dead West, right into the sunset.  To the left is back East.  I desperatly want to continue to where I know home is not, but I figure I better start moving to as least where I think my truck is parked.  After about one hundred yards, I see fresh oil on this dusty road.  I come up to very highest point.  The air is noticably thinner here than down there. An enormous bon-fire circle with black coals inside.  This could be an ultimate party spot.  The road leading into it comes to a culdasack, and it leads downhill.  I see a few unfaded beer case boxes, meaning that someone has been here recently.  I begin my journey downhill, still clueless to where I am, and to the right there is an old abandoned house.  A V-style roof, almost touching the ground.  Kind of creepy.  Kind of cool.  You can see right through the open door that has been boarded with one skinny two-by-four.  I look to the left, and see what looks to be a town.  Far off in the distance, I see my college.  Virginia Tech, and I see beautiful Lane Stadium.  I am tempted to vear through  the woods to get there, but it is probably more than 5 miles away, and in the woods, there is no guranteed clear view of the stars.  I keep walking.  My uncertainty is done, but my journey is not over.  I finally see a mountain biker hauling up toward me.  I stop him and ask if this leads to Pandapis.  He says yes, and to go down the hill and take the first trail on my left.  Relief.  Contentment. I keep walking and see a mom and a daughter running up the road in my direction.  I smile, knowing that I am probably not far away.  The sun is barley visible, and I realize that I only may have survivied the night.  I see the trail on the left, but I keep following the road. The trail is well maked and would be quicker, but I want to see where this road leads.  I want to return to that fire pit. I know Pandapis is somewhere to the West.  I can hear constant gunshots coming from the firing range that I've been to twice.  The road is longer than I thought, but I am sure it leads right out to 460. Before I get there, I see a powerline trail on my left.  I decide to take it back to Pandapis.  This trail probably leads right to 460.  I see the sign for the Jefferson National Forest half-way down, and I know it to be roughly 200 yards away from the Pandapis entrance.  I'll be in my truck in about thirty minutes.  I come to 460 and walk along the other side of the guardrail for a little bit.  To the left is the most beautifully colored tree I have seen all day. I've been in the woods for who knows how long, and have seen thousands of trees.  Who would have known that the best tree is right on the side of the highway.  Either a Sugar or a Silver maple, the bright orange and deep red stuns me.  I can't help but think that God cares about our every needs, and our every pleasure as well.  I hear something in the woods to the left, and I see a white figure moving fiercly.  At first I think its a family or just a person running or jumping, but then I see her.  The biggest Doe I've ever seen, just 20 feet or so from the road. The whiteness of her tail was like an early snowfall.   I begin to think that maybe my whole mission of coming here today was to scare her away from the road.  Or maybe it was to find a small peice of this heart I've been trying to desperatly recapture. As I see the entrance in the distance to the pond, I decide to take the woods the rest of the way.  No trails, but I know exactly where I am.  Highway noise to my right, and remnance of a once-bright sun off to my left. I'm heading back North.  As I scamper through the woods, I can't help but feel a little sad about the end of my journey.  But that ends quick, and a rare feeling of completeness fills my body.  What a wonderful thing when your mind and your body listen to your heart.  I come up on the cars parked for the bike and horse trais. My car is another 10 minutes away, close to the pond itself.  As I begin to walk along the well-maintained gravel road, an SUV comes flying by and dust blows through my eyes and my lungs. The same dust is on the plants and trees on both sides of the road, something I've never noticed before.  I am back in the real world.  I am at a constant battle with myself.  I love the outdoors, and always have.  I was lucky to have grown up on 40 acores for most of my childhood.  I came to college in 99' , and soon switched to a Fisheries Science major.  Working in fisheries would give me security.  But security is something I haven't held onto.  I like the road.  I love the white lines on a one-way highway.  My biggest achievement is my music. I want to tour the country with my band 300 nights per year.  I want to move down to Texas and join the music scene.  The music there is real, and the people are too.  When I'm almost to my parking spot, I realize something.  When you listen to your heart, you will never fail. You can never fail.  You may stumble, but in the end, you will be victorious. The body is weak and the heart is strong.  Your mind can choose to go either way.  If it listens to the body, you are doomed.  I see my truck up ahead.  Only one other car parked in the gravel lot.  Earlier, there were 20. I use the last bit of light to look at the map behind the glass. It doesn't go that far.  As I sink into my truck seat and turn on the headlights, I sit and listen to the semi-silence for a few more seconds. As I close the door, it comes to me.  The motto.  The motto of my life that I must always abide by.  I was born to rock and roll, I was born to live slow, but I know I can't have both, so I chose to rock on.