Earlier this year, my Uncle Danny was diagnosed with cancer. Coincidentally, it was the same day that my best friend was diagnosed with a severe colon problem. They had surgery on the same day, at the same time, in hospitals across the street from each other.

My friend is recovered and is healthy. My uncle, sadly, is not. I got a call last night that he had slipped into a coma. I suppose that means it won't be long now.

I have spent a little time there this week, trying to be helpful and supportive to my family without getting in anyone's way, without interfering with the last times my cousins will spend with their father. Emotionally, it's been one of the saddest weeks I've ever spent. Oddly though, it's been a sweet time, as well, seeing my cousins caring for their dad, observing first hand the heartbreaking tenderness of them as they try to make Uncle Danny as comfortable as possible.

You are never old enough to lose your parents. My cousins, Lance and Dionne are years younger than me - they can't possibly be old enough to sustain this blow. And yet I know they will because they have to. I only wish there was some way to shield them from the pain of it all. I just want to gather them up in my arms and turn our backs on the hurt until it goes away.

But of course, we can't do that. Part of life is pain and they say the pain we go through makes us appreciate the happier times that much more. But seeing them now, watching them try to prepare for a life without their dad makes me want to scream into the sky. STOP THIS. They are GOOD people, DON'T take their daddy.

I can't do that, either.

Frankly, at this point, I can't do anything at all but observe, and love, and feed anyone who can still eat. Food - that necessity. It's how I love people; if you are hurting and I care about you, I will feed you. Words fail me when I need them the most, but I can always nourish your body.

There is a backstory here, as well, one that is just as beautiful and awful and painful. Years and years ago, my uncle had a partner named Larry. They were together for several years and Larry became a part of our family. Even after they broke up, Larry remained a part of our clan and we love him. He has done things for this family that we could not or would not do for each other, and has loved us when we didn't deserve it and when we almost did.

When Uncle Danny got sick, Larry moved him into his house, turning his home and his life upside down to take care of him. He is semi-retired and my cousins have small children, spouses, jobs and homes to care for. In Larry's wonderful and generous way, it made the most sense to him to care for Uncle Danny.

For months and months now, Larry has cared for Danny. He took care of him when it was easier and he is still caring for him now that it is impossible. Currrently, he is caring for him as best he can with only the use of one arm, as he had emergency surgery on his shoulder this week. Of course my cousins are and have always helped, but you would expect that. They are Danny's children, and love him. Larry is "just a friend," "merely a friend," "not family."

Every person on this planet should have "just a friend" with the kind of soul that Larry has. Every person in the world should have some "not family" member who loves them as much as Larry loves us.

It all makes me want to hold on tighter to my own people  - to my mother, to my siblings, to my children and to my friends. Because you don't know when someone you love will be taken. You don't know when it will be you, lying in that bed, waiting for the end. And you don't know until it happens who those people will be that will love you enough to see you until this point, until you are nearing the end.

***Update***

Uncle Danny passed away this afternoon, Sunday. I am so, so sad for my cousins.