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TEN things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now:
(And here's MY rules, guys. No asking who any of this is about and no getting angry/upset over what is written)
1.I wish you could understand that I'm not perfect. I'm sorry that i didnt come out the way you wanted me to be.
i wish sometimes you could see that even tho i may act like everythings okay, deep down your hurting me. and i cant stand it. it makes me sick to my stomach. everything about you just makes me discusted. but i am forced to call you apart of me. yeah it would be sad without you here, but it would be better for me too.
2. how could you get up and leave me in the cold like that. i know it was a year and a half ago but i wont let it down. that was fucked up. and yes i know we still talk and shit, but just because you feel bad about it later doesnt mean it makes up for it. when i needed you the most you turned your back on me when i had no one. when i had shit to deal with and needed someoen to talk to, you werent there. and i hate you for it. I stuck with you through so much shit, and we became like family, maybe more, and you replaced me for your better half. Now, i still have no one, and your not the same person anymore. your fake, your a poser, and you act like it never hurt me.
3. i cant believe you. your leaving us, and i know times are hard now, and things are going crazy, between you mom and dale, but you and me? we could have made it. i could have gotten an apartment, you could get a job and we could both move out, but no. WHY CANT YOU SEE? he is not all that you make him out to be! He is a fucking drug addict, a pill popper. you need to realize that just because he can sit on the phone and talk to you when you need him, or make you feel like you have a friend, doesnt mean he can be a father. at all. WHAT is going to happen when you go back down there? you are going to be sent back again because of him. and what are you going to do? forgive him right off the back like that. well one day you will look at him and realize what a fucking lozer he is, 40 somethin years old, living with his mother, with no job and 2 kids he doesnt support. that he was a good for nothing, and will always be like that. he didnt change from when we lived down there and he hasnt changed now.
4.i missed you soooo much. i hate the fact that you moved away, and even tho we didnt know eachother that long, i still feel like you are one of my best friends. probably the best one out of all my friends. you have time to listen to me, and help me when i need it. you dont judge me, and you always tell me that it will be okay in the end. even tho i think it hurts you to say it. i will always love you, and never think that we forgot about you. i havent forgotten about you. and i hate to see you so alone, but i know, i KNOW that the minute you find her, you will be so happy. she'll come.
5. You are the most concided, stuck up, snotty, bitch i have ever known in my entire life. sometimes being aorund you makes me feel sick. but in one SMALL way, i look up to you. you are able to accept yourself, and love yourself without ever wanting to change, you are able to say, " i am proud to be who i am" where i probably couldnt say that. you look at your faults as perfections. and that i give you credit for. but other than that, you are hateful and mean. and i cant wait till next year when you wont be here
6. i HATE and LOVE the way you make me feel at the same time. most of the time, i hate the way you make me feel like everything i do is wrong. when all i am doing is living. but when we lay in bed and your touching me, you make me feel like there is nothing in the world that could ruin the moment (which the majority of the time it is by joey) i hate the way you take everything out on me, but i love the way you look at me. i only wish you could get everything together. and start living. we wont be on this earth for long, might as well make something out of it
7. I dont hate you. but you need to stop hating yourself. its your self loathing that puts you into this vicious cycle of drugs and alcohol that keeps winding you back up in jail. i haven t had the time to write you, but i will, soon. you are easy to talk to, but sometimes you treat me like a kid. and sometimes i hate you for what you did to my mom but most of the time, i think she deserved it. maybe one day you can be in my life, and actually stay in it. instead of being pen pals for the next 30-40 years
8. you have the world at your feet but yet you think its not enough. it makes me sick how you treat everyone and still think its okay. you walk all over and treat everyone like shit but yet you expect all this love in return. i cant stand being around you while you do this. and i hope that one day it happens to you, so you know exactly how it feels to be walked on and treated like shit.
9. i cant help but to think..... "what if" around you.
10. get out while you can
NINE random things about yourself:
1. i have terrible memory. i could honestly forget what i had JUST said or even who i was just talking to.
2. I dont know how to speak. if you've known me long enough you'll know that i cant speak right lol. i will jumble my words up into things that you wouldnt imagine. but! it is pretty funny.
3. i actually like getting made fun of. just lets me know that they think about me. heh.
4. I have low self-esteem.
5. i snort when i laugh sometimes
6. I hate to be alone.
7. I hate the rain(only in the winter), but i LOVE thunder and lightning storms.
8. i cant keep my room clean
9. i am a kleptomaniac.
EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1. Talk to me. i dont like to be told "i dont feel like talking about it" "dont worry about it" "its something i have to deal with myself" or "i dont like talking to people about how i feel" it hurts me because i think you cant confide in me
2. Play with me! i like it when all seriousness is aside, and you are able to laugh and joke and wrestle with me.
3.whisper in my ear!
4. Tell me the truth, not what i want to hear. i dont want someone to start off by saying i love you just because its something i want to hear. if you are going to say something make sure its really how you feel or really how you think. dont try to sugar coat anything.
5. glare at me a little, then smile. i love it when that happens :D
6. Laugh at yourself. nothing makes a friendship/relationship more sensier when you are able to let loose and laugh about yourself.
7. make me smile. i love it when you try extra hard when i'm in a bad mood to make me smile.
8. Sing! even tho you may not sound good, at least your being yourself.
SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
1. Work
2. My car
3. Keith
4. what ifs
5. where my stuff is at
6. my future
7. texas
SIX things you wish you never did:
1. Got into a car accident
2. ruined my relationship
3. lost my necklace
4. told my mother i hated her
5. skipped out on matt and trish last sunday
6. lost my friends
FIVE turn-offs:
1. Putting me down.
2. Throwing old stuff in my face
3. Taking things out on me
4. asking me a million questions
5. always talking about another girl
FOUR turn-ons:
1.someone who can let loose and enjoy life
2. has good ambitions, wants to go somewhere in life
3. good hygene (as megan said) clean face, breath doesnt smell bad lol etc.
4. good sence of humor.
THREE smileys that describe your life:
1. =D
2. =]p
3. =/
TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. travel out of country
2. jump out of a plane
ONE confession:
1. i never could have been where i am now without living in hampden.
![]() | Currently listening:
Love Song
By Sara Bareilles |
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6:09 AM
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