Usually when something terrible happens to you, there is an unspoken rule that they aren't going to let anything else terrible happen to you. For example, when you get hit by a car, it is too much to be lying in your hospital bed after and be told your dog has died. Or when you have the flu you don't break out in syphillis usually, stuff like that. But this is of course an illusion, there is no 'they' to orchestrate the tragedies in your life. Some people have the space god or allah the god of paradise, but if we are perfectly honest, both these guys seem too preoccupied with battling it out for supreme dominance here on earth to be bothered with actually making sure everyone is happy.
So when I was boarding the plane bound for a city in Colorado, I figured 'well, it's not a dance music city, that's for sure, but I'm due for some good fortune right about now...' I won't name the city because I don't want to cast aspersions. Jesus cast the money lenders out of the temples, and at one point he was like "thou shall not cast aspersions."
Anyway, this was a chance to see my old friend J. Ryan, lead singer of Six Finger Satellite and ex-fish mongerer, among other things. He moved out there, and so at least I'd have someone to guide me in the customs of these strange people. When I got out of the cab at the fish restaurant he had me meet him at, there were fireworks booming in the sky, right above the place. He came out and was like "welcome, I hope you are pleased with my fireworks demonstration in your honor." In fact, times have been hard and I was quite pleased, it made the corner part of my eyes become riddled moisture. Only later did I discover that the fireworks weren't really for me, they were part of some convention they are having in this place next week. I could tell there was a convention going on because when I got back to my hotel there were prostitutes in my hotel's elevator, but that is another story.
I am saddened to report that if in fact I were due for a bit of good fortune, it was not granted to me at this time. WHen I arrived at the venue I was informed that Girl Talk was having a FREE show in Boulder. How can we compete with this? This Girl Talk, he not only gives people loads of other artist's music for free on his releases, but then he goes and plays free shows? People love free stuff, even if it is not something they want. They also love expensive stuff, even if it is something not worth it. But free? Like free love, people loved that stuff, everyone was into it, at least until the government squashed it with AIDS and bad feelings.
But in the spirit of providing a nice night for the people who were in attendance, I resolved to do my best. I focused on people like the hipster couple who danced the entire night away. I threw out some tests at them; like every time I put on a DFA record they seemed excited. I loved them. But they broke my heart, so carefree and happy, not a care in the world. And then the gay couple, I'd throw out some really gay disco or house numbers and they'd make out and yell my name. Oh well, I thought, every show can't be a sold out night in NYC or London or LA or whatever, and I had this idea of just playing what I feel, you know, letting it out as they say, playing what was on my mind, etc. So right in the middle of it I threw on the Aaron Carl track "Crucified," one of my all time favorite house type records. I just cut right out of the record I was playing and dropped it in on the opening accapela. The whole place went quiet, and Aaron comes in with:
"drowning in despair,
searching for a love,
that isn't there......
I might as well be,
crucified..."
People started weeping. I played Ashley Beadle's edit of Running Up That Hill, and when she's like "if only we could, make a deal with god, and get him to swap our places..." a girl with a really nice shirt ran up and hugged me, pressing her nice shirt against mine, and was like "it's ok juan, we are all going to be ok, the god in space will take care of us all." And I was like "the god in space let his own son die on the cross, he inflicted Job with boils and locusts and destroyed his crops and took away his family, he made Abraham agree to kill his own son and then stopped him as Abraham was about to plunge the knife in. How is he going to help me? He doesn't seem helpful at all, he seems much more into fucking with people, and don't get me started on the god of paradise, he makes you blow yourself up and says you'll get all these virgins when you go to live with him in paradise, but the thing is, who wants virgins? What is this thing with virgins? It's perverse, and quite troubling to me. Like, how old are these girls? And what is the big appeal? They are going to lie there, scared, and no matter what it is going to hurt, then they will cry, and they will want to know that you care for them and won't abandoned them but then you've got like 69 more virgins waiting for you. And they'll have no idea what to do, they won't know any of the tricks or techniques. Maybe they've read some of the manuals or Cosmopolitan but it's not the same, is it? Would you want to be on a flight where the pilot of the plane was undertaking his first flight after having only studied pilotry in manuals or read about it in magazines? Or watched movies of other pilots flying obscenely large planes, flying longer and faster than is humanly possible? I don't think so honey."
She seemed moved. "Juan you are so wise. I can't wait for your new album to come out, it will change everything, there will be a new paradigm. When will this happen."
"Early Spring of 2009. There will be single first, maybe by the end of the year. Then the touring will start full-on, the videos, the radio edits and all that. Don't worry, it's all going to be ok."
And that's when I realized that in helping others, I was really helping myself. By bringing hope and joy to this young lady, I could feel peace myself, and then I didnt' feel so bad that J lied to me about the fireworks.