We played LIV in Miami, right on the beach.  When we got there, we were determined to go swimming.  I didn't have anything to wear, so I decided to go in my undertrousers.  I forgot that I wasn't wearing boxers, I was wearing a pair of purple American Apparel Y fronts.  I guess I had been on tour for a long time, maybe lost touch with reality a bit, but somehow I reasoned that a lot of Europeans must frequent South Beach, and they wear swimsuits that do not look dissimilar to what I was wearing.

I made it to the water ok, not many people were around.  It was fantastic!  There were at least three sets of implants in my area, and even a dude with calf implants!  His calves were amazing, he must get lots of bitches.  The only trouble I ran into was when I was coming out of the water.  This little kid was nearby, he must have been around five years old.  He pointed to my crotch and yelled out "look mommy, you can see his WEINER!!"  I laughed a little, the mother looked either perplexed or horrified.  "It's OK ma'am, I love kids, no problem at all....I'm from New York, didn't have a bathing suit with me, no problem, hey there kid, do you like music?"  I was going to offer an autographed copy of my new album, but the mother just whipped the kid away and I didn't see them again.  Oh well, as the french say, 'C'est la joie de vivre.'

At any rate, the scene inside the club that night was amazing, truly a spectacle.  LIV is like being inside a Las Vegas show (though I've never actually been to Vegas).  It has this incredibly high domed ceiling, and the most intenst light show I have ever scene.  It looked like lightening was striking a few times, and I found myself hitting the deck (the stage really) a few times, but I just made it seem like that was part of the show.

What really kept me occupied during our set, however, was this couple who were just off to stage right.  The dude was probably in his 50's.  He was a bit hefty, not quite fat, but definately out of shape, and he was wearing sunglasses the entire time, some type of douche bag glasses with someone else's name embroidered in gold on the sides.  He was sitting on the stage the entire time while his, ah, 'girlfriend' danced around him seductively, feeding him drinks, rubbing his head, gazing into his eyes, given him lap dances.  This chick was probably in her early twenties, looked like she hit the gym every day, breast implants, tan, etc.  She was wearing a really skimply dresss.  When we played Give Me Every Little Thing, she would mouth the chorus while hugging his head to her bosom, and mouth the words to me, winking at me in the process.  I was quite confused.  How could such a rich, ugly, out of shape jackass like this guy get with this young girl?  How could she be that into him?  Big questions, I really don't have any answers, but such is life.

The only downside to the night was discovered the next morning when we were loading out our gear.  Jerry discovered that someone had stolen, or we had misplaced, his little microphone bag that he uses to carry spare drum hardware pieces, little unreplaceable pieces of hardware.  DJ asked him, "Jerry, where did you lose it?"  Jerry's reply to this, maybe unwarrented, was to punch DJ in the face.  We all stood around and looked at them.  DJ responded, "I'm not letting you borrow my toothpaste anymore," which seemed to end it for now.