Now I'm  not usually one for conspiracy theories, but there is something very  weird going on.

It all  started some time ago I was doing my rounds in the kitchen, making  sure there was no fillet steak that had fallen out of the fridge,  (you live in hope!) When out of the corner of my eye, I spotted  something moving in the oven. I must say it gave me quite a fright  and I nearly jumped out of my coat.  On closer inspection I realised there was a bloody dog in the oven!  Being the security concious individual that I am, I went berserk. The  cheek of it, that's where the food comes from, if there was going to  be a dog anywhere where food is involved, it's got to be me!

I  went and told "The Man" and he just laughed, a weird reaction  when you consider that the oven was on at the time! (do they eat dogs  in the West?)

I  tried to forget about it for a couple of days, and then when I was  happily trotting up the Kings Road on my way to the Pub, I spotted  the blighter again he was inside a shop barking and being really  quite aggressive towards me. Then a few shops up the road he was  there again, I must admit he was a tenacious bugger, the more I  barked back the more he barked at me.  He must have run out of the  back door and entered the second shop from the back. Now I'm really  worried. I know Pugs are popular but this was getting ridicules.

"The  Man" and his friend thought the whole thing was hysterical, even  passers by stopped and laughed. I decided to take personal action as  nobody was taking my concerns seriously. I  hurled myself at the  interloper, forgetting in my frustration that there was a piece of  glass between us, I banged my head on the window pretty hard. But on  the bright side the phantom dog also got a good bump on his head,  judging by the dazed look on his face.

I  still see the dog from time to time but I try to rise above the  temptation of barking at it. Since "The Man" put a new bulb in  the oven, It doesn't come much any more, perhaps its scared of the  light.

The  big coward...