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To Those With Hearts that Lie Awake.....

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Shawn Bolz

Shawn Bolz


Last Updated: 10/8/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 35
City: Hollywood
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 6/23/2005

Who Gives Kudos:

doug (1)
Matthew Mic.. (1)
Angelika Re.. (1)
Monday, October 05, 2009 

Current mood:  animated
Category: Blogging
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Blog day 2 "Weren't you dating some girl?"....

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So today max the wonder dog woke me up with a desperate need to go to the bathroom. He usually sleeps longer then me but there he was staring in hopes I would take him down the 2 flights of stairs so he could be delivered of who knows what he ate. No one could appreciate the intensity of a dog who has to go to the bathroom when you are trying to sleep unless they witness it. As I went to let him out I remembered my dream.....

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In it a bunch of people were asking me about the relationship I had this summer....

that ended in august. I realized two things: 1) I released the fact that I was dating publically but never followed up with what happened and 2) I realized that in the dream people assumed the worst which made me want to make sure that it didn't happen in my real woken up land.....

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So let me tell you a nutshell version of what happened. I won't mention her name for her sake in case you are coming in late on our story. I am so grateful for the dating experience this summer with her. I haven't announced a girlfriend in years and she definitely was the center of my attention for a while. It was hard in the end, not because there was drama, but because it just wasn't it. She is such an amazing heart person so it of course was disappointing but we like each other and how we developed the relationship was around friendship first so we are ok now. Plus it was only 5 weeks of relationship....the lack of time invested helps it to be only disappointing and not devastating. So we are friends still and she still lives in LA and goes to our church. I think that's amazing that we can maintain that level of ok-ness.....

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I am so happy with the way my life is turning out without someone so I am in no hurry but if the right woman comes along believe you me, no one will have to point her out. ....

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Well I didn't want this to sound like I had a summer fling, I wanted to make sure that this amazing woman was covered because there really wasn't a down side in our relationship, it just didn't work on a deeper level and she was the one to point it out first so there was nothing wrong with her...or me. Just wrong fit....hard for all the moms in my life to believe me they don't believe in a wrong fit they want drama! Haha except real mom she is amazing and understood. I wanted to fight for it when we were breaking up but I couldn't and I had to follow my heart just as she followed hers in initiating the break up.....

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I think the hardest part was that I so enjoyed doing life with someone on that level. Plus she is an amazing person. So with an open heart to God I pursue life.....

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On a side note I was able to really be creative this weekend which felt amazing. It was mostly in writing but I had other creative ideas for projects. I am the type of person who for the most part commits to my creativity and sees it through unless its all conceptual. This is so real though and I can't wait for my personal creative projects to take more shape. Maybe I will be bold and show them here. ....

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So every day I am going to include a question to demand back from you, my readers, to participate. Here is today's:....

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 my question of the day for you is can you think about a relationship/friendship that you had to end for whatever reason that is joyful to recall now? Like you suffer no pain or reminder of pain as much as you reminisce on the joy you had in it?....

12:42 AM
 
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Matthew Michael
Matthew Andrews

 
Yes and no. Only had one GF previous, and for a while after we broke up it was like you said, joyful to remember. Later though things turned south between us even though we tried to "just be friends" it didn't work out that way. Now its nothing but painful. Thankfully the Grace of God is there and I'm able to move forward without it hindering me.
 
Posted by Matthew Michael on Monday, October 05, 2009 - 5:46 AM
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doug
DOUG WALLACE

 
i'm impressed you didnt make it work when it wasn't fitting into place.That both of you agreed and remained free to be your unique individuals and move on as friends.Every time i have gone thru a major relationship change and made the right choice,it was definitley rewarded by Holy Spirit later for reacting out of my "new man life" n not my old man carnal life.You both learned quite a bit probably about your selves and some about each other.it's good to hear of a "no drama" amicable break up break thru for two.
      michael cards song "Joy in the journey" comes to mind.
  We have a rottweiler named Lexy,short for Lexus.she sleeps on the floor in our bedroom with us at night.I can fully relate to you having to get up to let your dog out.
     looking forward to your rennasaince thoughts.had an odd dream about it a few years ago.

 
Posted by doug on Monday, October 05, 2009 - 5:46 AM
[Reply to this] 
Baby Girl
Monique Tucker

 
no, i cant recall anyone that still doesnt bring back bad memories.  i suppose that has to do with the fact i wasnt saved in any of them.  though i have forgiven them and/or myself, they were all lived out in the flesh so there arent any that really ended well.  since i came to know the Lord, i have been in one relationship that turned into marriage and that is not looking very promising at the moment.  a perfect opportunity for a miracle i would have to say.  i pray for that, but brace myself for the fact that i might indeed have to move on, live my life in ministry for the Lord and parent my two year old and the baby i am expecting alone.  i've done my part and i stand in the center of God's will.  He has to do the rest because it is only He that works miracles.

...i'm sorry i didn't mean for this to turn into a confessional.

...i'm really pleased to see that you are able to handle the challenge of separating a relationship that is not meant to go any futher than friendship.  that is really hard to do especially if you are not healed and confident in who you are and comfortable in being alone with Jesus.  i pray that your testimony will speak to men and women in ways you never imagined.

bless you,
monique


 
Posted by Baby Girl on Monday, October 05, 2009 - 5:47 AM
[Reply to this] 
Cherelynn
Cherelynn Baker

 
Hi, I don't believe in dating. God knows the hairs on my head! So He knows my mate too! Well, I had a moment of weakness and spent several weeks with the most amazing, can hardly say enough beautiful things about the person: exept for: this  amazing man was not my mate. What felt good on the surface was never right on the deep intimate love I have for God. So, it broke off. And it was crazy painful; the break, the longing and the sense of loss.  It hurt for a good while, though Jesus was there every minute of the pain. In fact, Jesus is right here, right now. God knows my mate, and I'm more determined than ever to fast and pray for the husband that Jesus wants me to have. :) The other person is awesome, not for me, and though I feel loss,  I'm super excited for what God has for me! His ways are always higher and not my ways!
 
Posted by Cherelynn on Monday, October 05, 2009 - 5:47 AM
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CINTHIA
Cinthia Rodriguez Cabanillas

 
Love your respect for women...ur blog reflects maturity and wholeness in you...
All i see is that God is with you; He knows your deepest thoughts and desires and He will exceed them all...Keep drinking of His Love...

 
Posted by CINTHIA on Monday, October 05, 2009 - 5:14 PM
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Sue
Sue Clohan

 
I had just realized that something changed and was wondering if you were going to write about it since you were so open about the start of the relationship.  Thanks for your vulnerability.  Blessings on you, your work and your relationships.

 
Posted by Sue on Tuesday, October 06, 2009 - 4:58 AM
[Reply to this] 
Gabby is Dancing&Singing for her King!!

 
Great blog Shawn, written like a true gentleman!

 
Posted by Gabby is Dancing&Singing for her King!! on Tuesday, October 06, 2009 - 4:58 AM
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Barbi Jean

 
Sorry, but I can't say that I've had a legitimate relationship to speak of. The "interaciton" or confusedship that I look the fondest on is with a young man who was longing to know God, but didn't. His perspective of love and mine totally crashed and messed the other up pretty bad. We ended up in close quarters a year and a half after the destructive parting and thru 6-8 months of working it out, we've come out with a beautiful love for one another that is deeply woven with respect. I never learned so much from something so unexpected.
 
Posted by Barbi Jean on Tuesday, October 06, 2009 - 2:30 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rhema Art ®

 
I was married for 26 years. We went through so many trials. I thought that I was married for life. I was wrong. The children grew up then out. We had neglected our relationship for so  long that there simply was nothing left but an aching loneliness. I ended the marriage. It was like having to "put down" a wounded horse. I was so angry with him for so many reasons that I carried a tremendous amount of baggage without even realizing it.

Just recently, however, God's grace allowed me to learn some very important lessons. I learned to own my own stuff. I was no longer a victim. I became an overcomer.

I had lunch with my ex-husband this week. It has been six years since I left. I can say that I enjoyed our time together. There was no more pent-up emotions...no resentments. It was not painful in the least. We are very different people now. I know that we can build a friendship on the ashes of a ruined marriage because of God's amazing grace. Our children will benefit from our new maturity. It is a poweful testimony to many people who lived through the train wreck with us. We survived and lived to love again as friends. 
 
Posted by Rhema Art ® on Wednesday, October 07, 2009 - 2:24 PM
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JonnyAndy
Jonathan Holborn

 
Yes. I've had 3 experiences with major feelings for the girls that I liked and liked me too. The first was a friend from High School, who was and still is like a sister to me. God was what we found attractive to each other and we both kept our mutual feelings quiet to preserve our innocent bond. Her genuine attraction to another guy broke my heart badly and took all my will to see it through for God's best for him, her, and myself. In the end, he became my best-friend, asked me to be the best man in their wedding, and their children call me "Uncle Jonny". I love her more today but amazingly am over her (nothing lingers in my heart, at all!)

Years later, I had my first "official" g/f where after 9 months of getting reconnected through myspace and long telephone conversations, over a distance from La Jolla to Beverly Hills, we just fell in-love with each other. I felt deep passion that I didn't even knew could be possible and committed myself to her as though she were the one, but taking it all one step at a time. She initiated the break up after 2 months of being official. I think it was an infatuation. But we had this to say at the end, "It was fun - never experienced that before", and "No matter what, friends always." She and I still talk, spurring each other on in doing well and living right.

A year later, I met someone who I knew once I saw her was going to be someone that I'd have a journey with. She had her sights on me the minute I made eye-contact. I played it all down cuz I wasn't feeling it at first. Months later after quasi-dating, she and I made it "official". Truth be told, I felt funny inside and couldn't understand. I quickly bowed out after a week in, and it made for a pretty emotionally upsetting couple of months. God was quick to show me why I felt funny but also showed me how selfish I was and it resulted in the biggest turning-point of my life-walk with God. She and I "redeemed our time" after with little dates till she graduated from med school and moved north. I'll always respect and honor the role she played in my life.

NOW...(after 2-3 years) I am learning to relax, trust the Lord, and trust the friendship of my new special friend. She and I just met earlier this year and slowly came to terms with this bond she and I share, not knowing it would lead to romance. THIS IS NO EXAGGERATION: God's dropping TONS and TONS of prophetic signs that cause her and I to explore our relationship with God together, which results in bringing her and I closer. He has placed boundaries in our friendship where she and I can't allow ourselves to be b/f and g/f to each other. But every chance we get, we love to talk, spend time, bless each other, and we find that what God show one, God's already shown to the other. I never thought, nor have I ever had, anythning like this would happen or develop in this way.

Too soon to tell where it'll end up, but you'll know in time one way or another...

 
Posted by JonnyAndy on Wednesday, October 07, 2009 - 2:25 PM
[Reply to this] 
JonnyAndy
Jonathan Holborn

 
That's wonderful Rhema. 'Enjoyed reading your comment.
 
Posted by JonnyAndy on Thursday, October 08, 2009 - 8:51 PM
[Reply to this] 
Ami Mia

 
Absolutely!  Though initially there is a level of mourning what isn't to be, I can look back and say, "I did that well" and trust God to take me to a higher height and deeper depth the next time.  :O)  Hahaha.  The song, "the next time I fall in love, I'll know better what to do" is running through my head.  More like, "when I fall in love" but yes, I joyfully recall how God has held my hand and led me to grow deeper through friend-tionships. (kind of a fun word, don't you think :O)
 
Posted by Ami Mia on Friday, October 23, 2009 - 6:19 PM
[Reply to this] 
Katie (Finn) Moore

 
1. Shawn, I know you SAID nobody is going to have to point her out, but believe you me, I've got a good pointer finger and I've got your back. HA!  Seeing that it's totally my business...
2. YES!  I have two friendships that ended and it's so nice now!  One I think is ended for this side of time and the other we are re-friends again and it's so great!  Both situations had a fair amount of suck in them, my feelings got super hurt and left only with this quiet abiding "I AM" through and afterward.  These things always seem to bring freedom unlike I had known before (or that I was unaware of, went through the trial, thereafter had open eyes to and was VERY thankful).
3.  God's setting up relationships is better than us...and it's really amazing when you fall into the right one with the spouse of His choosing ;0)  WOOT WOOOOOOT!

 
Posted by Katie (Finn) Moore on Monday, November 09, 2009 - 1:16 AM
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