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To Those With Hearts that Lie Awake.....

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Shawn Bolz

Shawn Bolz


Last Updated: 10/8/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 35
City: Hollywood
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 6/23/2005

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Russell (1)
Wednesday, October 07, 2009 

Category: Blogging
So Matthew and I are in New York and I did priceline for a hotel. It put us literally two buildings down from the World Trade Center site and we didn't even know it until after dinner we were walking back to the hotel a different way and we both got hit with some pretty deep emotions the closer we got.

I was surprised that the memories flooded back, maybe being here brought some closure that I didn't know I needed. I realized in this that God was letting my heart lead me through an experience that is just a good human experience to have and go through. No one can understand the impact this kind of event can have on an individual or society but it made me realize how much I love our country. What an amazing place we live in. So here is the question of the day: What memory has come up recently that came with tons of emotions that you had to spend some time getting understanding about what you were feeling? Is your heart open where it surprises you and leads you at times or are you totally living out of your head?
3:18 AM
 
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Swimmer Amy

 
Ooh, well.. long story short, I had a situation come up where I was in a relationship... and the guy basically ripped my heart out and stomped on it and turned up engaged to someone else two weeks later, (not a soul even knew who this girl was) and my mentor and my sister and people close to me thought it was weird I didn't tell them I was engaged... probably cuz I wasn't! Went through alot of healing... got alot of closure, (realized it was God saving me from a nightmare of a relationship with someone immature and broken (ie both of us!) Got together with him and my mentor and really processed.. been going really well
and then all of a sudden last week, we were doing some sozo inner healing for someone else, and the whole situation came up again, and I was feeling real angry and hurt all over again. Thought I was def. further along in the process, but I have been told that it is normal that sometimes you have to go back and "reprocess" Not like you are going backwards, but just deeper healing. So yeh, it's been weird to kind of have to take a stand and say I am not going to this weird place in my head meditating on all these crazy thoughts and emotions, but here I am in the heart process again, and moving forward to total forgiveness and healing!

I have to say, I don't know how anyone does life without God. Thanks to Him for helping me! :)

 
Posted by Swimmer Amy on Wednesday, October 07, 2009 - 2:24 PM
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JonnyAndy
Jonathan Holborn

 
Love makes it impossible for you to live completely out of your head. And every time I think of UCSD or the church I went to, I feel uneasy because I feel disassociated (and I really poured myself out during that time, attending college). Things are clearer and being afraid no longer frightens me (if that makes sense).
 
Posted by JonnyAndy on Wednesday, October 07, 2009 - 2:24 PM
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Barbi Jean

 
No memories for me... Simply the shocking realization that talk of healing angers me. I mean, pretty t-ed off.
 
Posted by Barbi Jean on Thursday, October 08, 2009 - 8:50 PM
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Matthew Michael
Matthew Andrews

 
My mother died when I was 17, about a year and a half before i got saved. I remember thinking I was over it, then in church on Mother's Day they did a special service for it. I had to go to the back so that I wouldn't make a scene, I felt absolutely horrid! Since the day she died I hadn't cried like that, in fact I probably cried more on that day still.

Every year around Mother's Day I relive it, however it's not the same every time. Each year gets a little easier and easier, and none were anywhere near as bad as that first year.

 
Posted by Matthew Michael on Thursday, October 08, 2009 - 8:51 PM
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Tirzah

 
Well, I don't often share this but I feel like it's probably the time and season to do so. I moved back to ABQ a year ago. When I left for KC almost 6 years ago I was in a pretty emotionally raw place still dealing with the loss of my mom from two years previous to that. Moving back here I have been flooded with memories of her and life with her in ABQ that I got to "avoid" in KC. It's been so good to be reminded of the good things and not just the bad and sorrowful things (which is what I mostly had before moving away to KC). These memories have come with a lot of tears and emotions which I am not used to, because I'm not much of a cryer in general. But all in all, there were some parts of my heart that definately needed closure in this area, and that up until now I had not known were there or had the chance to get that closer. I'm trying my best to embrace all the movings of my heart as I am in this season back "home" in Albuquerque. It's not easy all of the time, but it really is good, so very good...even the occational crying parts!!
 
Posted by Tirzah on Thursday, October 08, 2009 - 8:52 PM
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