Human Origin Impossible to Pinpoint?
Not So, Says I!
News Item:
Scientist: Human Origin Impossible to Pinpoint
By Jeanna Bryner, LiveScience Staff Writer
All modern humans originated in sub-Saharan Africa, according to a new study touted by its funders as the "final blow" against an opposing viewpoint. Not so fast, says one anthropologist who finds flaws in the evidence.
Debate over the origins of modern humans has simmered among anthropologists for years, with one theory asserting that Homo sapiens migrated across the world from a single point in Africa. The other theory states that multiple populations of Homo sapiens independently evolved from Homo erectus in regions beyond Africa.
The new study, published in the July 19 issue of the journal Nature, delivers what the researchers say could be the final verdict in support of the single point "Out of Africa" theory.
"We have combined our genetic data with new measurements of a large sample of skulls to show definitively that modern humans originated from a single area in sub-Saharan Africa," said lead researcher Andrea Manica of the University of Cambridge . . .
Well, I don't know where Ms. Bryner got her information, probably from some stuffy science journal that has impeccable credentials and a stellar reputation in the academic and scientific worlds but I, in my infinite wisdom will ignore those merely marginal requisites to state here and now EXACTLY where and when the first blob slithered out of the primordial goo.
Based on my years of life experience, my college degree (that I got by sending in the filled out matchbook cover to ARNOLD'S SKOOL) and my rugged good looks, I have concluded that human origins came about SIMULTANEOUSLY at a number of different places!
And now, through modern technology (namely my cheap crap computer), I will list them:
Exactly ten seconds following the opening of the first Pizza Hut, a blob crawled out of a nearby puddle of ooze and ordered a "thin crust with everything".
Exactly one second after I found an empty line at the local Pathmark, twenty blobs hurriedly slithered out of a large stagnant puddle near the check-out where they had been reading about Paris Hilton's crotch in the National Enquirer . . . and all of them had MORE THAN TWELVE ITEMS!
Blobs were standing waiting at the opening of the first Starbucks where they all immediately ordered "triple-lattes with extra foam". (These were well - off yuppie blobs talking on bluetooths [blue teeth?], texting on Blackberries and doing other annoying techie crap).
A number of more intelligent blobs showed up early in the morning outside the first Dunkin' Donuts to be there when the first doughnuts were put out on the racks. Some were there for the warm bagels, too.
As I was approaching the counter to buy my $60 hard pack of Marlboros at the 7 - 11, fifty blobs slithered out of a puddle left by the Bangladeshi clerk mopping the floor and got in line ahead of me to buy TWENTY LOTTERY TICKETS APIECE!
There are many many other similar reports, unsubstantiated, at this time, of other strange sightings near other puddles of ooze. For example, numerous reports have been received about blobs waiting at the doors of the first Borders Books to buy the first copies of "Harry Potter". . .