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What's George Clooney got to do with it ?
A Fidelity of Fate (and how watching TV can Heal Wounds)


PART 1
Do you ever have moments you feel sorry for yourself ? Perhaps your car breaks down on the way to somewhere you really wanted to be, or your rent goes up and you have to find another place to live. Or worse; you get in a car wreck and become injured or your home catches fire and you become homeless. It is easy to take health and our home for granted when things are well but in tough times it is not so easy to see through the challenges to the opportunities.

I n 2004 I was cruising down the road on my new pimped out custom Harley (fancy paint job and lots of chrome) on the way to my yoga center. Suddenly a guy ran in to me and knocked me over. The bike was totaled and my body wasn't in good shape either. I ended up with a broken hand (both of them severely sprained), and multi bruises and some contusions all over. And to add insult to injury my favorite wool jeans and my best pair of gloves were ruined (they made their sacrifice in taking some of the wounds for me).

I spent days, weeks unable to do normal living things for myself because my hands were useless for awhile. I couldn't open doors because I couldn't grip or turn a handle. I couldn't
open toothpaste or brush my teeth (don't worry I could rinse with hydrogen peroxide and use a water pic so I wasn't a complete skank). I had really long hair and I couldn't comb or wash it (I was so very fortunate that people volunteered to wash my hair. In fact the owner of World Spa offered to wash and style my mane once a week until I could fend for myself). The only reason I could manage to get out of bed was because my abs were in good shape (regular yoga really pays off when you least expect it).

During my recovery I got rides from friends and taught some yoga when I had assistants helping me but most of my time was spent lounging on the sofa watching TV. I was jonesing to use the computer but my hands were too weak (not to mention the cast got in the way).

The doctors told me I HAD to have surgery in order to regain function and heal my left hand.
I didn't have any health insurance so that wasn't an option for me. I felt I had a really good chance of my hand healing because I knew a lot about not only natural health but yoga-physical therapy. I was optimistic yet sometimes I'd slip into moods of fear that the doctors were right and I'd never be able to massage people again which raised big issues of financial insecurity for me. Even worse; what if I couldn't ever put weight on my hand again-- there goes my chaturangas and adhomukhashvanasanas (yoga postures). And worst yet; what if I didn't regain enough functional strength in my hand and therefore it would be impossible to pull in a clutch lever !

One day I was indulging in my potential pool of self pity about ; loosing income from not working, fear of loosing my ability and thus enjoyment of life if I could not practice asanas and or ride motorcycles again. I was slouched on the couch like an inorganic rotten potato,
when a series of shows appeared on the Discovery channel.

The first show that appeared was on some mountain climbers that were held hostage in the middle east. They finally escaped and ran to freedom after one of them had successfully pushed a guard over a cliff. It was a riveting show. My emotions were captured just as much as the climbers were captured by rebel forces. The young man that killed the guard in order to escape was actually a very peaceful and passive person. He was traumatized that he was even capable of taking another's life. He saved himself and his friends but now he had to resolve how to live with himself. I thought to myself that he will have a tougher time recovering in his heart and mind then I ever will have to in my relatively easy going world.

Then the next show was about a hiker who was out on the red rocks of Utah when a giant boulder fell and trapped him. He was stuck hanging by his arm pinned by the boulder.
He was alone and dangling in mid air by his arm. No matter what he did he couldn't free himself. After so many days in the elements he realized what he had to do. With the one arm that wasn't pinned he was able to reach his pocket knife. He forced himself to cut off his own arm. He dropped to the ground and walked (leaving a bloody trail from his freshly cut limb) until he came across some people and was rushed to the hospital. I couldn't help but think how lucky I was not only to have both arms but to not be faced with such a tough place-- in between a rock and a hard plate. A wolf caught in a trap would instinctively do it but could I with all my neurotic thoughts be able to do cut off my arm in order to save my life ?

And then another show burst onto my TV screen that made me want to burst in tears of thankfulness I was so healthy and intact . So lucky. A documentary about people born with no arms. It was actually quit amazing. It was incredibly inspiring to see how well some people coped. In fact I found myself a little jealous how one man's hips were so flexible that he could brush his teeth and comb his hair by holding a toothbrush and comb with his foot. I'm a yoga teacher of many years and my hips are not that open that I could stand on one leg and comb my hair with the other.

The television was like some kind of guru to me that day. I usually hate TV and all that it stands for and or it's power to corrupt minds as it broadcasts messages and images of superficial fantasy into people's unsuspecting unconscious. That day couldn't have been more divinely planned for me. I thought I was being decadent but as it turned out I was touched by the grace (in the form of the "discovery channel" ).


PART 2
I must say though a little fantasy can be a good thing. I normally don't like most TV shows.
I just get upset by news and bored by most shows. EVen when a show has eye candy like George Clooney. I was not a big George Clooney fan...until one night I was watching 60 Minutes. This was some time after I recovered from the motorcycle accident and I was back to my normal life of seldom watching TV but for some odd reason I was home with the tube on. I was on the verge of turning the tele off in favor of listening to music instead when I noticed the previews for the show and I saw an image of some motorcycles. OK, my interested is piqued. George Clooney collects bikes and I was going to leave the
box on just to get a look at his collection.

Clooney has a bunch of Harleys and an Indian ...and even a pet pot bellied pig ! This man must be my soul mate as I have a pig, Harleys, and an Indian ! And as if that wasn't enough to entice and entertain fantasy ...he also has great heart and soul for the environment (has an electric car I believe the journalist mentioned and he has been doing some real interesting and provocative films now). He was injured on the set of Syriana to the extent he has had many surgeries on his spine (I could help him with that as I know massage, yoga, physical therapy, etc.). I was really beginning to not only like but admire this guy I once thought of only as a pretty boy.

I began to joke with my friends that Clooney and I were made for each other. Some didn't even know who he is. Some only knew that he was in the show ER. A few of my friends had see him in some movies . Then some of my friends started to call me up and alert me when he was to appear on the news. He suddenly began a campaign to raise awareness and aid for Darfur ( a region of genocide inSudan ). This not only earned him attention but the respect of my many activists friends.

Most you reading this probably know by now Clooney went on a trip and discovered a lot more then he bargained for. He was ill from eating something and a little girl's nurturing along with her questioning his sincere plan to return got to him. He has since been dedicated to applying his fame to helping heal Darfur. The film clip enclosed with this blog is a
video he made on a visit he took with his father.

When you watch the video I hope you get a sense of the paradox of being distressed and delighted at the same time. Ecstatic for your own fortunate life and all its privileges while also feeling sympathy for those whose lives are far less fortunate. You appreciate all the choices and resources you do have and then wonder not only why are you not always happy but how anybody in certain circumstances could be even for a second. There is rich and fertile ground in the soil of our souls and actions from our hearts that can contribute to world healing and that in turn can heal many if not all our doubts, fears, and self pity.

My love for George may be from afar but if in anyway it helps anybody more aware of his mission then I cannot consider it unrequited (of course if Clooney ever does expand his awareness to include my existence and BikerYoga Goddessness ....and we meet as a result that would be cool).

PS - as I was logging on to MySpace to post this blog I noticed that the feaured film for this week is The Devil Came On Horseback; Documentary exposes the genocide in Darfur, Sudan as seen through the eyes of former U.S. Marine Brian Steidle, who served as an unarmed observer with the African Union. Select screenings June 1-7.