How to help...

It's never easy to tell a friend that he or she has a problem…but isn't that what a friend would do? No one ever thinks that "trying" drugs is going to lead to a life-threatening addiction. Yet, millions of people have to deal with this tough issue every year.

In this section, you will find information on how to recognize a problem and some suggestions on how to have a talk with your friend. You may even find yourself in need of help or someone to talk to. There are plenty of free online resources and confidential hotlines, as well as advice from teens who have been there and have dealt with this tough issue.

Does my friend have a drug problem?

Does your friend seem like a different person when she drinks or gets high? Maybe she has been letting you down lately and you think it's connected to drug use. Or maybe some of the things she does when she is drunk or high are just scary. This can be a difficult situation to deal with, and sometimes the situation gets worse before it gets better. Don't make excuses. Talk to your friend.

What are the signs?

If your friend does one or more of the following, you should talk to him/her.

If he/she:

• Gets drunk or high on a regular basis.
• Drinks or uses drugs when he/she is alone.
• Shows up at school drunk or high or has skipped class to use.
• Needs drugs or alcohol to have a good time or cope with everyday life.
• Plans for drug use in advance.
• Starts hanging out with new friends who will do drugs with him/her or can score for him/her.
• Lies about drug use.
• Pressures others to use drugs.
• Has broken plans with you, or showed up late, because he/she was getting drunk or high.
• Shows little interest in or quits sports or activities he/she once enjoyed.
• Has driven a car while drunk or high.
• Borrows or steals money to buy drugs or alcohol.

Also, even if your friend doesn't exactly fit any of these, but you feel like they are headed in the wrong direction, you can say something. You don't have to wait for it to get worse.

How will my friend react?

If your friend insists that his or her drug use isn't a big deal, don't be too surprised – this is a pretty common response. But don't let this stop you from talking to your friend. Chances are that he or she will see that you're concerned.

What can happen if my friend keeps using drugs?

If your friend continues using, he or she could face some pretty serious consequences like getting caught or arrested, losing his or her driver's license, getting thrown off the team, suspended or being involved in a car crash, or worse.

What to say...

Discussing a friend's drug or alcohol use isn't an easy thing to do. People with drug problems usually defend their use or make excuses. It can be hard for people to admit to themselves that they have a problem. However, 68% of teens said they would turn to a friend or brother/sister about a serious problem related to substance abuse (NHSDA report).

This means that when you talk, your friends will listen — even if you've tried drugs or alcohol yourself. You may be worried that your friend will be mad at you – but if you really think that he or she needs help, you need to say something.

Here are a few things to keep in mind if you have to have that talk with your friend.

• The Tone. Remember, how you say something is as important as what to say. A supportive, caring tone usually works best. Be assertive, not aggressive.
• Be Discreet. No one likes to be called out in front of others. Wait until the right time and place to have this talk. It's best not to start the conversation if they're high, angry or upset. And afterwards, keep the details of your conversation private.
• Plan What to Say. You may want to reference some specifics like if your friend skips class, takes stupid risks or is frequently hungover. Tell him or her that you're concerned and that's why you want to talk. You may want to have a helpline number or some facts on hand. That way, your friend can call for confidential help or check out the facts.
• Balance. Your friend may think you're just being "critical," so try to give examples of how you feel when you see him or her use drugs. For example, "You are my best friend. But I feel like you're a different person when you're high and that's really disappointing." Or you can write an email or note if you feel uncomfortable talking face-to-face.
• Listen. After you finish talking, ask your friend what he or she thinks – and listen. It's critical that you hear what your friend's saying so you can offer to help. But you shouldn't feel like you have to personally solve your friend's problem – there are counselors who can help at times like this.
• Keep At It. Talking to your friend about drugs may be a continuous process – not a one-time event – so you may want to check in with him or her from time to time. You may want to recommend that your friend talk to a counselor – and have a hotline number ready.

What if my friend doesn't stop using?

Helping a friend with a drug problem can be stressful and difficult. You may feel a lot of pressure to get your friend to stop, or you may get totally discouraged if your friend doesn't listen to you. But your friend's drug or alcohol use is not your fault. It's up to him or her to stop using. But if you feel you're at risk by spending time with your friend, you might want to keep your distance.

Looking at yourself...

Do you think you might have a problem? If you are worried and would feel more comfortable talking to an expert counselor, try one of these hotlines. They're open 24/7 and are totally confidential.