I've been reading this book lately, Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb, a Christian psychologist... It's really good so far.
Just that... last year's depression has left me in what he considers as a dangerous condition. I stopped feeling. Something is so absolutely dead in me that I know it. I don't know how to go back to feeling. How do I feel love? How do I feel anything other than resentment and anger... towards someone who hurt me so bad? And how do I get back to being that good person who loved everyone and wanted their best? I have no idea... God, this is really something that makes me think... Any way out?
So far Larry Crabb does not say what one can do if s/he is in such a condition. He only says that if your dreams are shattered, tell your friends how you feel, be honest, feel the pain, don't stop feeling... Because it's bad. And I know he is right. I know this is just another phase of my depression. I can't stop it from being so. How should I convince me to feel again when the pain could come back? How? It's already been like this for a year, and my spiritual life is totally affected... How can I love God when I can't feel love or when I have forgotten to love? He loves me, this I know, but how long will He be able to love me when I can't love Him back? He is said to have a great love for me... I hope He can maintain this love while I don't respond to it as well as I should.That is why I chose as a video Barlow Girl's I Need You To Love Me video. I think it so utterly expresses the deepest feelings in me... that no other song has ever expressed before.