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At night, I swim through the drapes of darkness, layer by layer, searching for pieces. Reasons. Expressions. Even scraps. Anything. I seem to find something in every dream. During the day I tuck it away underneathe as I go through my life, my daily activities... I try to find all the available light, every glimmer, shimmer, flame and spark. I take them with me to guide me through the night.I wake up every morning with a fur against me. Horatio and Lucky on either side as if they don't want me to brave the underworld alone. I keep them on their routine now, wanting to be the best mom I can be to them, as you were to me. They even walk nicely together in the park now. Lucky just follows Horatio a lot, ignoring other dogs mostly. She used to stare down every dog looking for a fight. Now she just hops along next to him, tree to tree and rock to plant, sniffing in happiness. I want to pick up the phone and call you as I used to when I was walking through the park with them... to tell you about it- you were the most avid listener and follower of my adventures with my two rescue dogs.I spend more and more time at the shelter now. I feel the dogs lonliness as they sit in tiny cement cages even when I am not there with them. Sometimes I feel a pang of dispair and I know its them. I try to get there as soon as possible. To soothe them. I feel the energy in my actions more than ever now. I do more and more and see more and more positive results. This makes my dream grow... I am always dreaming and thinking of new ways to make my dreams come true. Each animal that is rescued gives me hope. I am working non-stop on planning the Walk 4 Paws to raise money and awareness. Its my first big fundraiser... and I feel like you are here with me, helping me still... I close my eyes and envision how I want it to be. Hundreds of animal lovers and supporters raising money and awareness for the animals that need it most. I wish that you could be there, to live my dreams with me. May would have been a great time for you to come back to NYC. I think about the time you spent here with me in October and how you said you were coming back...Somehow I think you will be there with me still. I think that you are here with me now. Not as an invisible body maybe... but now your energy is interconntected with mine... maybe in away that I can't fully understand now but in a way that I can feel now. My dreams have gotten so big that not even death can shatter them. I will never lose you...As everything is interconnected. I am not saving the world when I help animals, but in a way I am. The energy I put into this ripples out, effecting many more than I could ever see or imagine. We all have this opportunity... to change the world everyday. Let it billow out, touch many and then watch the world light up... and guide you through your darkness. Animals is my passion, but there is something out there for everyone... and we all can only do our part... You were so giving, so compassionate, so selfless. I still feel the vibrations from you, echoing on. Inspiration.One day I know I will have all the pieces. It will all make sense. The scene I keep coming back to is you. Islamorada. Open sliding glass doors, salty sea breeze coming off the blue green water, the palms sway just off the deck. You can reach out and touch them as you walk outside. You are laughing, fluffy hair, perfectly painted finger nails, flip flops, tanned glow. Book in hand. Bailey is on the doggie dock, barking for you to throw his toy. His fur is soaked with salty water. You roll your eys and laugh knowing that he won't leave you alone till you play with him and you gladly oblige. Bailey was your fifth child and you loved him endlessly. The sun is shining so brightly in the Floridian sky, lighting up the water, Bailey, you. You glide out the door, a ethereal vision of dreams and hope, and then disappear into the light. 
3:03 PM
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