Mass media Consumption and Modern Man, the Family Problem

By Rob Black

I've been thinking a lot about families. And a lot of what pop-culture is really pushing on America today. Mainly that there is no difference between being rich and being famous. Seriously. Bill Gates is one of the richest people in the world. But is he the most famous? No. Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Barack’s very large list of now-bestsellers are surely the most famous media and the most celebrated family on the earth. Another fact is that the president, at least culturally, is the closest thing to modern royalty. Think about, we have an elected group of congress, which is strikingly familiar to the UK’s Parliament. However, the leader, the Crown, is only equivocal to Barack Obama. We love the Obama family, as a country we really do. What you have to remember, when nearly everyone in the States were chanting “Obama!” (at least the ones that voted for him, and probably 25% more who were just “Rooting for him!” but we’ll get to that later.) We weren’t just rooting for  him, we were chanting for his whole family. We love the Obama’s, them with the adorable twins and the puppy that was on the news for fucking ever. We’re not just rooting for Obama, we’re rooting for the whole Obama family.

Now take the above paragraph, and think about your favorite show. Seriously, Just pick one off the cover of this months  People or US Weekly, or more precisely, pick out the favorite show with your favorite star. Not roles these actors have but the lifestyles these famous people live, the people you most identify with. I promise I won’t look. Back? Who was it? Tom and Katy Holmes? Angelina Jolie and Brad? Jennifer Aniston? Is she having John Mayer’s lovechild? It doesn’t matter which on you pick. How about those of you who like reality shows or watch MTV or the E! channel? Chances are the names would be very different. Kendra Wilkinson. She’s not really famous, except that she got to live an extravagant life in not shall I say the most extravagant life of all, the playboy mansion. What the cameras won’t tell you is that Kendra, whether your approve or not, is set for life. Think about it, she and the other two girls (the ones that didn’t get their spinoffs, so they’re quickly forgot) made a shit load of money. The Girls Next door was probably the biggest thing to happen to Playboy since, well, since it was founded in the 50s. Everybody involved in the making of that TV show made a shitload of money. You remember when Kendra came back to her “humble roots” (middle class San Diegans) and Hef met her mom and brother and even her grandfather, and nobody on the show thought that was weird. And we, as an audience don’t see that as weird? You know why everybody was so chill? It wasn’t cause she was “showing Hef off” to her family she was probably there to tell her mother she was making so much money from the show and the franchise  that they were all set for life. If Kendra had made $10 million dollars from just the decision of moving in with Hef, how much of that money do you think that entitles her poor, stricken mother to? Some of it? All of it? None of it? Should it all go to Hef cause he’s Hef?

This is where the line between reality and fiction collides; when you don’t need to be talented to be famous all you have to do is be rich.

Money sucks. Working hard for money sucks. Working to pay off a mortgage sucks. But yet, we all see things we need to have. Cars computers, etc. But sadly, money buys things. And there’s a lot of expensive things out there. What do we do when we talk to our loved ones? We think about things and hobbies we’d like to with our time and places we’d like to go if we just had the money. I can think of a million gifts I would want you guys to have, and countless of millions of dollars I’d spend on investments, not just things and NICE things. I would buy myself, my father, Ofir, Alex, and mom and dad all Rolex watches. You know why? Rolexes are expensive. And they last forever. Jewelry as a whole is that way. You know the saying “The family Jewels?” Not only is it a witty reference to balls, but it also means jewelry and watches and cars and real estate and shit that you can pass on to loved ones.

 My mother had me wear my grandfathers wedding ring when I was in grade school, and then in the 6^th grade, I lost it. I was devastated. My mom was too, and I think she was secretly hoping that I just misplaced and would find it in due time. Sadly, that was not the case, it was stolen of my sock out of my Nike in the summer of ’96 at waterworld USA Concord, CA. My mom taught me later that this was okay. Not because something like that is necessarily replicable, it almost never is. It was because it was just as important that I remember I lost it and how know it felt to lose something so sacred and irreplaceable. Like when a loved one dies. It’s like losing a piece of history you always loved and never quite appreciated until it was gone. Well, if daddy had a mansion and a million dollars and statues and everybody wore Rolexes, they’ll be plenty of other things to remember daddy by. People like Maddonna and Angelina and Brad and Tom and Katy are worried about their legacy.

A lot of families don’t have a lot money these days. And honestly, if you have somebody you love why not have 14 kids adopted or not as long as you have the money to hire the help and to take care of them. They’re doing with thier millions of dollars what we would all do with our respective families. And the people who don’t seem to have a lot of friends but never leave the media spotlight? Donald Trump. If he was around or invested his money in something big like STEEL instead of TV shows, trump would be a lot richer. And he would have a real estate to share and invest in real things, like these new ideas for energy and be one of the most powerful men in the world like Carnegie. Oh, and Anderson Cooper, from CNN? The “mans news man”, he’s a fucking Vanderbilt. He hides those roots just so he can grow up with his own image. Inheritance is the number one way of being wealthy in the United States. Being in a family with “old money” means that him and his kids will always have the money to go to the best colleges, get the best medical care, etc. Think about it: if you could start your life over with every possible financial advantage, don’t you think your like might have turned out better? Or at least be less stressful?

Most people care about their family. Not all, but most. They think about things they would like to do with that family, if they just had the money. Half of the people who are famous are not talented. These are the people who are related to stars, and who, by some coincidence, get say where all their money goes to. Britney might always be rich, but do you know how much MONEY her mother made from all this? A lot. More than we can Imagine. And in some ways, this is ruining the fabric of society, and is the thread that holds it together.

We are a litigious county. Did you know that the average non-criminal American will face at least three VERY serious court issues in the course of their lives? And that’s not all speeding tickets and injury lawsuits. Divorce is the number one factor for Americans being in the courtroom, and as I probably don’t need to tell you is that well more than half of the people married are getting divorced or “legally separated” in their lives. Did you hear me? Our most sacred institution is also the number one cause for us to be in courts, and is being violated more than it is being followed. Everybody agrees that marriage is good. When is the last time anybody saw a really happy marriage in America? For somebody who wasn’t rich?

The fact of the matter is that the recession has hit all of us and our romantic relationships and families fail as a result. These are tough times. You know what Alex? If I got rich overnight I would give half of my money for Desiree, and she could spend it on whatever her heart desires. She’s been with me through the tough times, and she’s going to be with me in good times. I would NEVER cheat on her, even if she was away in Venice with the mom and sister for 2 weeks. We’re not oversaturated with things from the media, we’re just thinking of how nice it would be to spend all that money.

This is where things go to shit. Since we don’t really care about money, and we established it sucks to obtain it, what would we want for our family? Alex, I’d want you and mom to have the FINEST medical care. I would buy everybody a new home. We would live like movie stars, and this day and age a rags-to riches story like that would make us famous in ourselves. It happened with Obama, right? He was just a senator with a few sub par books and radical ideas. Now he’s the owner of the largest and most marketable franchise in the world; himself. Not only does he have LUCRATIVE deals with everybody he knows, He will always be Barack Obama. He changed the world. Given with how many people are alive on earth right now and the internet age, Barack Obama may be the most famous person in history. Already we feel like we’re on the edge of war, and not just in politics but in our everyday life. Obama is the one fighting the real war! He’s the one that’s going to validate us!

Isn’t he? Isn’t he?

No he’s just a guy with a family trying to get by.

This is what enamors us; not the lofty and plush title of “President” and the leader of the free world. But the human element. We are constantly assaulted with what the first family is eating, doing, going today, did yesterday. You know why we’re watching so closely, because the two Obama kids can be anything they want. They are Obamas, these kids can go to college, and be the president, or a movie star, or really anything that makes them happy. And you know why they will have the full support of not just their families, but of the nation that embraced them so openly? Because if they want, they can not do anything. They can just be the famous first family for ever, well after Obama was already elected for his second term and a new family occupies the white house. What will this mean to them? Would they still want to go to college? Would they just want to “see the world” and spend time and money being abroad? Or would they make friends in the other “grew up in Princeton” crowd and just do drugs and party at exclusive night clubs? Wouldn’t that be amazing? We would finally see the highest office in the land not only say it’s okay to go to Yale and do drugs and get C’s (George W. Bush) or it’s okay to go to Yale and do drugs and get A’s and B’s because in the end, it’s  just about going to Yale. Officially, it’s okay in our collective consciousness to do certain things once the first family has already done them. It tends to be the worst kind of announcement like “It’s okay to go to Wal-Mart in crocs in a tube top and you weigh 500 pounds!” in stifles people into conformity and settling for less when they just could have had more class.

You know what drove the republican party crazy during the election? They were not allowed to call Obama black. Seriously, because black is not a bad thing. They called him a Muslim, a “Terrorist Sympathizer” and did anything else they could to smear his character, including his middle name being Hussein. Seriously? The only he’s president is because he played by YOUR rules and went to your schools and champion the same causes of you, rich republican assholes. You’re mad because a black family is moving into the white house and they have a nicer family vibe and cleaner record than anything you could ever nominate. While I don’t know if Obama could have prevented this recession and our unfortunate instance of all taxpayers owning something like 60 percent of GM, but I tell you what, there is NO WAY john McCain would be doing any better. The fact of the matter is, Americans like the Obama, and the Obama values. Can you imagine John and his cyberbot of a wife staying in the white house would be nearly as charming as little pittar patter outside the oval office? No way, we’re eating this shit up. We’ve elected a family man, a young man and a man with some radical ideas. Last time we had such influential family in the white house, he got assassinated. You don’t think millions we’re made because of Kennedy’s death? Oh yeah, there was money to be made. You know why pigs like Glenn Beck recommend “Everything should just stay the same” and “Clean coal isn’t necessary?” Because that whole fucking party has a lot of money to lose if new forms of energy come to bear, and a vehicle getting 100 miles per gallon as the rule and not the exception.

OH MY GOD Michael Jackson is dead??? I was up all night writing this, and then I find out today Michael Jackson died. I can’t even tell you how important this is to American. I’ll have to get to more of that later. Did you know that Michael was so rich that there is going to be a whole subset group of rich people just under “I knew Michael Jackson and now I’m rich” in Hollywood?

I love you both, I’ll talk to you soon. Be ready for a call from me. Also, This whole thing is really a rough draft, I know there are a lot of errors. Feel free to correct them.

Ahhh! And Farah Fawcett! She just died!!! Ahhh one of Charlie’s Angels! Now you know we have to kill Cameron Diaz, so her future self will be saved the trouble of breast cancer when she’s older.