What would it be like to go back to the past see who you were and just want to stab the old you and say: "here you are this is you" "just stop worrying you idiot." Right now Thats what it'll be in the future.
My smile fade closer to tears than ever. I can't help but think how hard this change will be. I feel the worst is coming. People say I dont deserve it, but honestly I think i deserve any punishement the lord has in store for me.
Truth is; I have no idea where things stand at this moment in time. Whether I'm a happy person, flat out depressed, or somewhere in the middle. My friends are my over board safety ring. I depend too much on them and I need to find the strength to save my self.
No one can make my choices for me. Thats the lesson I need to learn. I fear the best thing in my life is about to change that he's hiding something. But I'll give him the benefeit of the doubt and wait patiently.
Losing my best friend this year has killed my motive to fix things just right. I've lost intrest in some people and it doesnt help that my attitude just gets worse and worse. My poor parents see that part the most. They don't see how truly happy I am because I just don't show it at home.
My time is coming again. I'll be happy then something else will screw things up. But this next time; I'll be in better control than ever. Fix my issues and focus on all the things sto distract me from feeling this feeling again.