After chucking hammers at various small animals, I decided that mythbusting wasn't for me. It's too labor intensive; my arm muscles began to hurt slightly. So, I have decided to become a famous detective. If I get a famous enough, I could get my own crappy show on the
USA network or solve a murder on a train. Not only that, but I'll finally have a justifiable reason to carry a gun, which ought to keep those grumpy cops off my back for a while, who, in my considered opinion, don't really have a leg to stand on. If they would just give me that concealed carry permit, I wouldn't have to waive my gun around yelling "I have a gun! Pay attention; I have a gun!" The ensuing public panic is their fault, not mine. I'm just doing my best to uphold the spirit of the law and make sure my weapon is in no way concealed. And yes, I can shout semicolons.
I must say my detecting is going swimmingly so far. I just detected my first serial killer! See, look:
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/w4m/494289821.html
Well, actually you can't see or look, 'cause I flagged it already, so just imagine. The serial killer was using my picture to supposedly solicit pre-sexual rendezvous on Craig's List…except that couldn't be true; no relationship could possibly survive the disappointment of not having me in it. Why would anyone use a fake picture, say "Hey, come meet me for dinner conversation, fellas, and possibly sex if you're talkative and dressed well" then show up with his or her normal, uggo face and act like "No, this can still work." Wouldn't the invited party get all shouty and angry and leave immediately, possibly in a huff*?
And then it hit me: serial killer. It's the only thing that makes sense. The killer puts pictures of women on the internet to lure unsuspecting men and lesbians out to after-work chain restaurants, there to brutally murder them with a basket of mozzarella sticks, truly one of the most gruesome and delicious ways to die.
Plus, we can safely assume it was a serial killer because everyone one Craig's List is a pederast or worse. That's something you know when you're a detective. They teach it at the moderately-priced detecting school I attended.
So, I flagged the advertisement. Hopefully, that will stop the killings. I expect my Congressional Medal of Freedom shortly.
Also, I might as well reveal the solution my more-devious-than-expected puzzle because none of you are going to solve it, apparently. So here's the answer:
All words on both lists are spelled sequentially down the alphabet from left to right. See?
abcdef
GHijklmn
Opqr
STuvwxyz
1. Ghost Chimp Cow Aft Cost Fit Ace Fops Bow Foxy Ax Gilt Jip Gin Bet Gist Dip Him Dot Hip Not Hit Hops Cloy Alp Art Cop Chow Dint Lop Guy Lops Lot Dent Emu Dewy Most Alms Bow
2. Best Lost Low Got Chop Bit Aces Lox Mops Fin Bint Now Opt Tux Dins Chops Clot Abe Gimp Act Copy Cot Den My Deft, Dirty Fist Bent Horsy Hew Elm Mow Fens Filmy How Jot Ago Beg Bin Dims Box Chips Clop Dirt
"Sponged" was a clue because it follows the same pattern, but backwards.
zyxwvutSrqPONmlkjihGfEDcba
Everything else was just sneaky obfuscation.
*Or a minute and a huff.