July 7, 2000

Welcome to our version of Big Brother Television! We are willing to give you the intimate details of our lives as we work and play here together at the Home of the Future. Yes, all the body functions will be caught on camera… let's just call it potty view… all our sex lives will be on display for your viewing pleasure. Hell, we won't be able to fart without our adoring fans knowing the strength and duration of our poot. If that's what America wants that's what America will get! Did you think we were beyond playing to the masses? You must be thinking of other Public Access Shows that are not trying to entertain you…

Live, in every grimy zit popping moment of our existence, from the Home of the Future, It's the Greg Sterlace Show. Starring, Greg Sterlace, the man who wants to catch you adjusting your package, picking your nose, pulling the underwear out of your butt crack, and touching yourself while you stare at our beautiful co-hosts.


July 29, 2000

Golly. I wish I were smart enough to think that by attacking people who don't think like me that I could effect change. And I also wish that I had the motivation and fortitude to, in a self-righteous drunk that only the truly arrogant deserve, accuse people I don't even know of objectionable things for which they stand. But that would take a superior intelligence that I do not possess. Those pompous, pseudo-intellectual, holier than thou megalomaniacs are bigger, more brilliant, and darn it all… just plain better than I am. Maybe someday, if I read ALT from cover to cover I too can pontificate on social issues without actually having to get my hands dirty.

Live, and bloated with self-importance, from The Home of the Future, it's the Greg Sterlace Show. Starring Greg Sterlace a man totally without social consciousness or even social security for that matter.


August 4, 2000

Smmmmmaaaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkk! Hoochie, hoochie, hoochie… click, click, click… Look at the package on that! What's your name you delectable hunka beef? Turn around baby let me see you from behind. Sugar, sugar, sugar. Ohhhhh come here you hunka hunka burning love. Shake your money maker baby and come give momma a little bit of that. Grrrrrrrr, you know you want it. I'd like to rock your world big boy if you know what I mean you crazy cowboy. Ohhhhh what I'd like to do to you! I could make you scream like Friday night fright night. Whoa boy is that a rocket in your pocket coz I'm ready to play Cape Canaveral…

Live, in an equal opportunity environment, from the Home of the Future, it's the Greg Sterlace Show! Staring Greg Sterlace the answer to the old question… where's the beef?

August 11, 2000

Hey! Ever hear of Jason Dylik… Well, he's a medical student who's supposed to be going somewhere like Brooklyn or something, imagine that Brooklyn, well anyway while he's been here in Buffalo he's been working on The Greg Sterlace Show and in his spare time he drives around in some kind of emergency vehicle like an ambulance or something, but any way, he's here now and he keeps saying that he has to go to Brooklyn but the guy never leaves it's like he keeps showing up on Friday nights, well don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy and everything and we've kinda gotten use to him being around but we're all getting a little suspicious that this Brooklyn place doesn't really exit, you know like a fantasy place in a Science Fiction novel or something, actually, come to think of it, maybe Jason Dylik doesn't exist, it's entirely possible you know because there is a whole block of evidence that says that none of us really exist and we're all computer generated images or was that a movie, no matter, we're here now and so is Jason Dylik, he says that this is his last day on the show but we're all taking bets that he's going to extend it for at least one or two more weeks because frankly we are so much darned fun he is having a difficult time getting to Brooklyn and on with his life, if your listening Jason Dylik all of us here on the crew are going to get really old some day and need free medical attention so get out there and become a doctor so we can know at least one person who makes a living out of the single digits… Hey Jason, could you look at this open oozing sore I have here on my ankle… it doesn't look good, is flesh supposed to glow in the dark?

Live, in the mother of all run ons, from The Home of the Future, it's the Jason Dylik… er, sorry… Greg Sterlace Show! Starring Greg Sterlace in one long run on life.

August 18, 2000

Ode to our Fan Lisa in California

Alas, poor Jason we knew him well, and hope on him you do not dwell, for we have other hunky men, who may entice you now and again. Why not try John our silicon wit, in highbrow realms he is a hit, so handsome, suave, and debonair, he has his teeth and all his hair. Our Gregory is quite a score, here less is less and more is more, he's smart and thinks outside the box, he too has all his teeth and locks. And then of course there's our own Richard, a sensitive man of measured word, he doesn't own a loud sport shirt, nor does he ever dish the dirt. He's brilliant, warm, and kind, no better man will you ever find. So Lisa we don't want to lose you, because Jason has left and made you blue, focus on our other man meat, to keep you in your rutting heat.

Live, at least we know we're playing for Lisa, from The Home of The Future, it's the Greg Sterlace Show, starring Greg Sterlace the real man in the moon.

August 25, 2000

Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Suzanne was so pristine and clean, no trace of bump and grind
For olden days of dogs and beer,
for days of long lost mind
we'll play a game of hockey dear
for auld lang syne.

And here's our hand our trusted friend
as we kick out your behind
we'll put you in the old Crown Vic
and take you for a ride.

For auld lang syne, Suzanne,
for auld lang syne
we'll keep your photo on the wall
so turn down your blasted cryin'

Live, in the cruel and unusual environment of The Home of the Future, it's the Greg Sterlace Show. Staring Greg Sterlace, the man who thinks of women as fine tobacco as he chews them up then spits them out.


September 8, 2000

Sung to "I Wish They All Could Be California Girls"

Well the Eastside boys are rough
they never wash those clothes they wear
and the South town boys with the way they pose
they really plaster back their hair.

The West Side has the guidos
yeah those boys all have great tans
and the Amherst boys with the way they drive
they'll knock you down with their minivans

I wish they all could be Tonawanda boys
I wish they all could be Tonawanda boys
I wish they all could be Tonawanda boys

Those bad boys have the Harley's
and they all have neck tattoos
I dig a pair of wranglers belted at the groin
and a butt crack bend and view.

There's nothing like the feeling
when you're strolling hand in hand
with enough black leather to rebuild a cow
they are the grandest in the land.

I wish they all could be Tonawanda boys
I wish they all could be Tonawanda boys
I wish they all could be Tonawanda boys

September 15, 2000

Warning: This show contains adult material that is not suitable for immature audiences. Individuals who are offended by profanity and/or sexually explicit humor should not view this particular episode which profiles a well-known entertainer whose music contains sexually graphic lyrics.

This here is the amazing maze of the man who calls himself Dr. Dirty. And as we wander is coiling corridors searching for John Valby we contemplate the man and the myth. Some men are born to sleaze, some aspire to sleaze, and some have sleaze thrust upon them. The rocking and rolling John Valby of Charles non-fame and non-fortune found himself crotch deep in sleaze with drunken horny lunatics trying their eagle-scout best to shove crisp five dollar bills into his BVD's. Rock and Roll may not pay the milkman but catchy little numbers about coital penetration do, by Jove! At lease enough to live the eclectic life a guy who does not care much for the newfangled electric lights but has enough digital high tech paraphernalia to take down a Boeing 747 on sheer electrical drag. Tonight we got ourselves nothing less than that John Valby, Doctor Dirty himself. So pop a molly and get ready for the bump and grind to begin…

Live, in our riskiest show ever, from the Home of the Future, It's the Greg Sterlace Show! Starring, Greg Sterlace, the next best thing to being there!

September 22, 2000

Dear Ms. Lonely Hearts,

Can you please help me find my boyfriend? We were out on the Chippewa strip last weekend and I went to powder my nose in the Ladies room. When I came out I couldn't remember which one he was. He changes his hair color quite a bit but I don't think he went to the men's room and changed it in the few minutes I was gone. My girlfriends set up an official line-up for me and hell, three or four of them could have been Charlie. What's a girl to do?

Signed,
Lost

Dear Lost,

What difference does it actually make? Walk up to one of those other stud muffins after he's had a few vodka martinis and claim to be his girlfriend. Chances are he'll believe you walked into his life during one of his frequent black outs. However, to avoid this problem in the future I suggest you talk him into an unusual facial tattoo so you can keep tabs on him. And it will skyrocket him into the realm of a designer male!

Live, in the pickling jar we call the Home of the Future, it's the Greg Sterlace Show. Starring Greg Sterlace a man you could never lose in a crowd. God I love that man!