So May 19th is coming up real fast. In three days, to be exact. Anyone remember what that means?
Of course not. Nobody reads my whiny blog thing. I think it may be best that way.
Anywho! May 19th is the day Chris was origianlly going to be moving to England. But he's not anymore. At least, not yet. Nope, now he's not going anywhere untill September. I'm happy about that. I know it's terrible, horribly selfish of me, but I'm glad his plans got fucked over so that he could be mine for just a little while longer.
I was sympathetic when he told me, of course. I try my best to be a good girlfriend. It's a complicated situation. I want him to go, but I don't want him to leave. Does that make sense? Allow me to explain.
If it were me, I would kill to have the opportunity to go to a different country for a year. It's an adventure. It's something new and different. Unlike the rest of us slobs who will live out our lives day by day, never really doing anything interesting, he will be able to do somethign worth telling people about in ten, twenty or even thirty years from now. What he's doing in making memories. One of my biggest fears is that I will not have anything worth remembering in my life. A boring, inconsequential job, a mundane life, no crazy stories of mischief and adventure, just the same old routine. I wouldn't wish that kind of life on anyone, least of all on Chris. So I want him to go.
On the other hand, I don't want him to leave me. I want to be with him to make those memories. I want to share those crazy experiences with him. Before I met him I just sat around in my room wasting time, wasting my life. I never tried anything new. It was just the same old thing. I think about him leaving now and I realize that when winter comes around again I won't have anyone to keep me warm. I won't have anywhere to go to get away from my crazy house. I won't have anyone to introdice me to new things and people. I know for a fact that I'll go back to being a recluse. I won't keep up with his friends. I won't go to games anymore. I'll stay at home, too shy to go anywhere or do anything. But that's not really the core of it. I've finally gotten something, someone, that I wanted. I've found my perfect man, when a few months ago I thought I would have to settle for someone I didn't really like just so I wouldn't be alone. I don't want him to leave me.
Oh well, now it's time for me to go back to ignoring this problem until September. It's just the way I am.