A loss of innocence....of self identity.....of self respect.....

A stumbling demeanor.....ridicule, scorn, agony, no self confidence.....

The feeling of emptiness, of despair....floating along watching it all on the big stage but unable to control.....life passes by and you see someone there and people call you him but you are merely the observer detached.....and you cry when he can't do it or when you feel him lie because lies are all he has to hide the pain.....and it's your pain too but you can't do anything about it....the only way he can get away is to isolate, to run....and you tell him no, stand up, fight....but he can't because you don't control him you only feel the scars.....he couldn't fight then because he was so small, just an observer because he didn't have the control.....and it was stolen away at that young age and now it can never be back and he'll never be able to be the man the world expects him to be.....he tenses up or freaks out for any reason or no reason at all....can't perform when he needs to, can't rise up and fight for her......or with her.....or whatever it is she needs from him.....he can't be there because how can he be there for her when he could never be there for himself when he needed someone....anyone....to stop it.....when he was forced to grow up, way up, way early....but no one could stop it because he didn't know what was going on....and there was only the "shhhh" and the "you're a good boy now" and "i love you so much" and that was the only time he heard it...the only time he could please the only woman he had in his life at that age......so what else was he to do....he had the fear and the terror and that was imprinted and can never wash away.....the only way to get away was to run and to hide....and what kind of a man is it that runs....no man at all.....

So you're left with the nostalgia of a time that never was......and how can you get back....you can't.....how do you relearn those lessons you never learned.....you can't.....how do you reclaim the sense of self, of who you are not how you are defined in the eyes of others......you can't.....

These are what the abused victim feels.