Okay, so before I go into what my thoughts were on tonight's kick-off episode, I have to admit that I missed the entire first hour because I wanted to get in a run at the gym, so forgive me.

So here we are, once again, Season 7 in the city of "Brotherly Love."

Now, I turn on the television and see this really cute girl named Angela Martin from Chicago. She's 26, and has a little girl with a disability. I'm totally sucked into this story, and I WANT her to make it through. So I'm thinking, this better not just be a story, but about a girl who really fucking wants this.

And then she opens her mouth to sing, and I'm kind of...underwhelmed? I mean, she's good, don't get me wrong, but I'm thinking to myself, if I were to go to any southern baptist church and listen to the choirs, she'd be a dime a dozen. Is that wrong to say? I guess I just really wanted her to knock my socks off. But she's adorable, warm and totally lovable, so we'll see how far she can take this.

At this point, I find myself looking at the judges to see how they've reinvented themselves. Randy resembles something like James Brown with the distracting mutton chop sideburns, Paula looks better than ever, and Simon looks a little bit gayer than last season.

"NO SEX ALLOWED!!!" Oh God, what was poor Milo thinking? If anything, kids are going to watch that and see this strange looking hobbit man singing about not having sex, and they're just going to pretty much do it more than ever. Thanks, Milo. It's people like YOU that cause people like Jamie Lynn to become sperminated.

The scenery changes, and we go to this gorgeous blonde girl named Kristy Lee Cook from Oregon. She's 23 and immediately I'm reminded of Carrie Underwood. But then she's kicking punching bags in white wifebeaters like she's some female correctional officer, and I'm intrigued. I think to myself, why do I have this feeling she's going to sound like Carrie, too? She auditions with "Amazing Grace," and she is the EXACT CARBON COPY OF CARRIE UNDERWOOD. I don't know what I WANTED her to sound like, I just was kind of hoping for NOT country. I mean, she sounded great, don't get me wrong, I just was hoping for something different. Whatever that may mean. I don't know yet. Let me think on it. ;-)

Next up, a guy is now in the audition room named Ben. I didn't catch his last name, because quite frankly I didn't care to remember it. But his song about STALKING PAULA, now THAT I will remember. Fucking HILARIOUS. Loved it. I'm sure they stopped filming after he exited the room so that Paula could change her pee stained pants after she found out he tried on her panties. Poor thing. But hey, "if she were a bathtub, I'd caulk her."

Another stalker, by the name of Beth Stalker, 28 from Michigan is up next. She's cute, and well dressed. She sings, "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered." She delivered a very lazy, jazzy version of it, not unlike that of Norah Jones. But not as good as Norah Jones. It was alright, but I didn't care much for the song.

Is that Eric Benet? Or maybe it's that one guy that was totally sticking it to Janet in her video, "Again," who's now on CSI. Didn't he just get a DUI or something? Sorry, ADD. Either way, they could all be related. There's something about his look, though. I love his cheekbones (totally jealous) and he's dressed in a way that says, "I'm NOT here dressed like Xena, Princess Warrior and have a hairy chest) because I can ACTUALLY sing." So he sings Uncle Kracker's, "Follow Me," and delivers it quite well. Good for you, Christopher from Dover.

Now this chick comes on, and she has fake hair buns and a Star Wars belt, and I think to myself, if she doesn't win the whole thing, there's no justice in this world. Men love this girl apparently, as they drive in droves just to capture her on film. I'll buy that. "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me," is her song of choice and I get up to urinate because I have to, and I get the feeling I'm not missing much.

But to be honest, when she gets on her soapbox towards the end of tonight's installment, there's something she says that I totally relate to. Who in their life hasn't felt like an outcast at least once? I KNOW I have, and she claims they don't let people through that are "dorks?!?!?!" Did she not get the memo and SEE my audition way back when? Apparently not. However, although I feel for the poor girl, she just doesn't make the cut. Well, I'm thinking of you, Christine and I KNOW you'll always have the conventions to go to.

Our last girl of the evening, a nanny from Van Nuys, California named Brooke White is waiting in the wings, and I like her already. She's totally adorable, great smile, seems like she could deliver something really nice. Just as I'm about to take a sip of my water, she claims that she's NEVER SEEN AN R RATED MOVIE!!!

After I finish cleaning up my mess, I sit in complete shock. But then I wonder about her sex life and realize that THOSE are the people that have dungeons in their houses with slings and chains and shit. You KNOW she's into that shit. Singing, "Like A Star," by Corinne Bailey Rae AIN'T FOOLING ANY OF US. Kidding. She's cute and stuff, but she's so likable that she gets through to the next round.

And there we have it, folks--- the season premiere of "American Idol: Season 7."

So did you watch it?

And what were YOUR thoughts?

Love you guys so much, and hope you enjoyed this blog.

xoxoxo,

Jim