ODE TO A SNAIL


I am EASILY amused. The most trivial things amaze the shit out of me. Little did I know what horrors this would bring into a small creatures life.


It was a couple months ago when I saw a snail on the side of my house, well two actually. I was filled with glee that they had chosen MY house to be on. I'd never really seen snails before and they are such an intriguing sight. A mucusy blob with a shell on top of it. What was supposed to be just a quick glance at them turned into a half hour "watch the snail move a whole 5 inches" stare down. I eventually grew bored with just looking at them. Anyone who knows me really well knows that I have to touch EVERYTHING. I have learned over the years it's a wretched impulse and sometimes a rewarding impulse.

After watching the larger of the snails for a half hour, I decided I wanted to pick him up. I couldn't help my urge to touch the poor thing. It SHOULD have been simple: detach the snail from the siding and play with him. Fate would not have it to be so. =(


Instead, Mr. Snail had a very firm suctiony grip on the siding of my house and I ripped his shell off on accident!!! I was in a crouched position with the little bugger's house/shield/partofhisbody in my fingers going..."AH! NOOOO! WHAT I HAVE DONE?!?!" In a panic, I decided that his mucusyness could possibly act as a glue like substance. So I tried to stick it back on him. It was to no avail, and I think I did more damage than aid. I was kind of crushing his shell into his poor body and shoving him into the siding. He probably shat out his intestines after that. I was VERY upset though. He was oozing this maple syrup fluid from his back and that was when I glanced around, threw the shell, and ran inside.

I went outside later and could not find him. I'm pretty sure he snailed off to his agonizing death. (what it is that snails do? They do not slither and nor do they crawl.) I felt horrible though, I just wanted to pick him up. The poor thing lost his home and his life all in one day just because I could not resist "MUST TOUCH" urge. I named him Clarence. Poor Clarence.

I hope he found a nice place to die at least. I have yet to see another snail on my house again =(