So I go out to do a gig waaaaay out in Mentone...it's in the redlands...and it was a real gig...no set ups:) I get there and it took a while cause the weather wasn't lovely...I go into a restaurant where there are mooseheads and deerheads and it's a really nice place...oddly there's some hip hop being spun on some turntables and it's really good but a bit not in place...
That's where I met Troy who helped me figure out how to find the place...now let me describe Troy...he had a cowboy hat on, glasses and his pants were hiked up a bit..has anyone ever seen a nerd cowboy? He was very nice and offered me a tri tip sandwich which I said yes to hoping it was an actual sandwich and not some sexual act I just agreed to...
I'm always happy to get a meal at a gig...if I get food, gas money and a good amount of stagetime that to me is awesome...I'll go out to wherever, but some food is always a treat! So I eat my sandwich and I'm hanging out with Anthony Stone's lovely wife Tenesha (I think that's how it's spelled) and I get up to go to the bathroom and when I come back Troy is there and that's when he says.."Can I ask you a personal question?" "Sure" I say..."Is that all real?" And he gives the up and down with his hand implying my body...now first let me say I really am used to stuff like this...some may think it's awful but when you have a butt that your cat can perch on it usually makes people ask crazy questions...even dorky cowboys..."Yes it is" I say...then he goes on "I mean I have a small butt, but I'm big in other places!" So I say "So you have big tits?" "Uhhh..no, it's something you put in your mouth!" "Oh how silly of me..you have big balls?" "Uhhh...no something else" At that point Troy just stopped because I think he realized at that particular moment that he had no game...Tenesha was in a bit of shock but I was already writing the story down in hopes I would get a punchline for the story!
Well the show happens, and it's awesome...the crowd was great, Anthony was great and it was only me and him on the show. The people were in the mood for some comedy and it was a kick ass night...now here's another side note...during my act I say it's been a while since I got any action...now I have no problem getting laid...I have a thing for unavailable men;) I say it cause it's all part of some jokes I have...and at this show after I had said that particular joke Troy mosied on over and said..."Ya know...I'll help you out with that not getting laid thing"...a charming offer but I had to laugh and decline...and Anthony being the gentleman that he is offered to walk me to my car and I being the tough broad that I am said I was cool...as I said goodbye to Troy and thank him he then said " You know I just want you to know you never have to spend a lonely night (insert nerd cowboy accent)" I then preceded to have Anthony walk me to my car! Juuuust in case! Now I also want to say I used to be a nerd and I have a lot of experience as a former one myself (Yes former Maria!) so I hope no one thinks I'm being harsh...Troy is just of another species...the nogame kind...even if he did have game...it wouldn't work..poor Troy...so if anyone can come up with a good punchline for Troy I'd love to hear it...and if you get a chance check out my website...
www.bigassro.com
My brother designed it, he's great if you need anything done hit me up and I'll send you his info...
Thanks for listening everyone...I really should get a myspace page for my ass...it's in demand! Love your hiny's everyone! No tiny hiny's rule! Oh and for the little ladies...Love your hiny no matter how tiny...and for the large ladies Hiny hiny Hoooo!!
I'm a nerd..xoxo