While surfing the web at work I came across the web page of an independent actor I admire, Nathan Baesel. Most of you have probably never heard of him, but next week his movie Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon comes out on DVD and I suggest you watch it. On his site he has a blog page that he updates pretty regularly, among other things. I usually am not a blog reader but I felt compelled to read his latest blog titled, "Back to Square One". In it he depicts the struggles, the choices and sacrifices he has made as an actor and continues to make. Crazy things like how being on unemployment is more profitable then working for a living and how the combined schedules of having a family and being an actor make it close to impossible to make any money. I couldn't help but draw parallels to my life and my current situation. I am not saying that I quit the band I was in because of money, because it wasn't. My reasons for quitting really had nothing to do with my life or responsibilities. I just don't know where to go from here. Should I stick with my good job and take it as far as it will take me? Or should I join another band and wait till the point where the singer "o.d.'s" or I feel like every time I see one of the members I want to punch him right in the face.
I mean, here is an actor who has been in major motion pictures and prime time television shows and he still has to get 9$ an hour jobs as a floral delivery driver. I don't know if I want to be looking for minimum wage jobs in 5 or 10 years. And he is good! He is a good actor and he still has to struggle everyday to feed his family. I don't know if I am that good and if I'm not then what logic would have me succeeding in music??

Maybe art is like a drug: A short fix that seemingly brings all your dreams to fruition while eroding the ground beneath you.

I guess I am just lost and looking for answers, again. At least now I know I have someone in my life that no matter what happens will be there with me.