once again our heroes and some new faces decided to go on a quest for no apparent reason.

dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnn

starring
ELLIOT MCGUIGAN
JONNY BARCLAY
JONNY LUKE
MARTIN ANDERSON
DANIEL BETT
NEIL MCDONALD (OR TAJ)
and for like 5 minutes STEVEN EARLE!!

our story begins in the vast lands of stirling in the plains of kings park....

we were all playin football and all of a sudden earle was attacked by a giant gay leprechaun thing...a.k.a jonny luke lol
earle was mortally wounded and was sent straight to VALHALLA and was treated by the greatest doctors in the clan of NHS.
alas, even with steven earle, one of the original legends, we could not let such a random oppertunity go to waste.
so the giant gay leprechaun and earle fucked off to VALHALL and we decided to hang about up the kingdom of the rocks and drink ale lol rofl lmao

so we spent about 3 hours fuckin aboot and tryin to get laura morgan to strip but alas that failed miserably. damn!
ah well what else did we do again...?
ummm
we tried to get laura to strip again but she didnt again. fuck!!
then came the time which we had to part ways with the fair maidens (lucie ashleigh emma ross) and we ditched the circus monkey in the trees with a life supply of bananas!!!
fuckin monkey...

it started to rain so we asked again if laura would strip but yet again we failed. shit!!
so we walked in the rain down to the town where we found out there was some pirate joint thingy hapening so we were like wtf??
so we went in for the crack with ickle martin and it sucked ASS, we caught the end of pirates of the carribean.
so we left and went to tescos to spend exactly 669 gold peices on random shit food. the cheese was shyte btw dont buy it.
we went to the bowling arena for some reason and met a lord named tomson and he was class lol "wallap!" lol he danced aboot like a prick lol

then we went up to the street wi roadshow in it and jonny luke (he came back btw not sure when)
decided to fuck off into the pub wi some cunt called gee while we fucked aboot outside drinkin merrydown lol cider sucks ass!
i prefer good old viking ale!!! rofl
aight then we went to the bus station and spent about 2 hours talkin about how nathan gail should be assraped by the dimebag darrel and who were legends of our time. starring eric clapton and elvis lol lmao rofl pmsl
we got on the bus and started telling each other top secrets
(like jonny barclay has a vagina!!!)
and we got off in inglewood which was miles away from our destination...which we wernt quite sure where it was until jonny luke told us.

we were fuckin aboot in the street almost at our destination wen the holy time came.
2
MINUTES
TO
MIDNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
and we randomly sang that and telt jonny to get off the fone lol dick.
and then we walked for a bit then he told us "we dinny have tae go anymair btw"
what a big gay leprechaun.

so we discovered mystical time barriers and placed them across the path i choose lol rofl lmao iced earth
dudududududududddudddddd
lol
so we waited for a while and then a engine vehicle cam and overcame our time barrier and we were shocked and appaled.
so how do we overcome this problem??
WE PUT 4 TIME BARRIERS!!!
lol so then some dude in a engine vehicle came and was like wtf?? so he went the other way!!
aha!
we have thwarted evil!
rofl

we ran like scared little french girls to the church and decided to make cheese sandwiches and jam lol
some guys came past and were like why the fuck are they dickheids makin cheese and jam sarnies at fuckin 12am??
couldnae tell ye lol
taj patter

we ripped the piss oota kyle genitals for a while lol and then we went to tescos lol
we wandered around the nightlife for an hour lookin for hot lassies and avoidin the ybr lol
jonny was lookin rich wi his cigars....dickheid....
lmao rofl
btw during this entire time jonny b was bein a pussy lol!!!
polis!! polis!! lol

we  sat about at the leisure bowl smokin joints for another hour and a half listnin to deathmetal lol and then we got bored and fucked off down the town...
we got asked for fags off these two lassies and they were like "are you french??2 and we were like "fuck off!!! french people eat ass!!! go lick your own earfanny thing!!!"
they didnt gie us fags btw lol

heres a short lesson on junkie names lol
ALL JUNKES NAMES ARE ALONG THE LINES OF "JOE"
there was joke from the previos quest wich is only wrong by a letter
and now....
jakie joe!!!

we made a huge fire in a paper recyclin bin lol and it burned for ages but thats not that important lol
until martin went
"aw naw! junkies!"
rofl

we seen a guy passed out on a bench so we filmed hitting him with bottles and shit for a while (greatest laugh of the night lol) and we got like 4 videos lol
and he didnt wake up lol

we went back to tescos and me and jonny luke got accused of eating ham without paying by some fat bald security guard lol!!! we did actually pay for it this time!!!
gasp!!!
shock!!!
horror!!!
baldness!!!

we had a nice long chat and watched some wifie at the window for a while lol thn went to westy and played "KICK THE CAT!!!"
we missed....

we started another fire in a bin and jonny luke and martin  jumped over it. we got videos of that too.

then we went up to some shitty bench and ate cereal until jonny L
threw his cereal at jonny b and he got pissed off and took a raj at his bag lol
pussy lol

we then went back to jakie joe and discovered...
...he was gone!!!!
then we went to the shop for a pack o baccy and went back to jakie joes bit and seen him wanderin doon the street lol i asked him for the time randomly and he got it wrong by like an hour lol what a dickheid

then came the foul demon...
the lord of evil
the king of korn?
(naw its no doctor p.c)
it was another fuckin junkie called josef!!!(also along the lines of joe lol)
he talked to us for about an hour and he coughed like "HWOAAAAAAAAAAARG HWOAAAAAAAARG"
which sucked serious ass coz he was a dick
and we finally got rid of him when he went for fags...
or so we thought....

we were sittin down near tescos when out of the black...came josef!!!
fuck!!!
we spent another fuckin hour talkin tae him and he was like
"are you still here?"
fuck off ya jakie bastard!!!
so he went doon to tescos and we got rid of him...
or so we thought...

we went to tescos for a while and sat in the cafe while me and jonny L had a kip and the rest listened to ma ipod
then another gay security guard chucked us oot!!
why does that always happen???
so we slept on the benches ootside and taj and martin filled a "spot on glass" with piss lol

later we fucked off up to westy again where we met ye fair maidens minus ross.
i fell asleep.........

I awoke...
i seen ashleigh sitting next to me and i was like
"hi ashleigh, how are you today?"
but before she could answer i heard....
HWOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG
HWOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRG
and i was like...
no...
it cant be...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ITS FUCKIN JOSEF!!
i shat a brick!!
e spent ANOTHER fuckin hour talkin to the prick and he started feeling up jonny lukes hair lol he had a leprechaun fetish apparently

some sound fat wife told us tht he was a pedo!!!!
we were like...shit
and then he left with some random kid and we hope he wasnt raped :-(

then betty boy had a sudden gay craving for cheese on toast and we walked to jonny barclays multi storey shed.
we lived in poverty for a while until i went to bed with jonny luke....dont ask...
and then i ended up here writing this story in this tiny fucking poverty filled room surrounded by dickheads.
and jonny luke is having a wank.
dickhead.
you may ask what is the point in the quest?
couldnae tell ye
taj patter lol

lol thats me the prick of the day then lol

goodnight to all and to all goodnight

THE END

the moral of the story is dont talk to jakies called josef.
or youl waste 3 hours of ur life talkin about his son, duck amd his experience with bob dylan at woodstock..
what a fuckin dick.