On this myspace i want to help people, whether thats 1 person or 10 people, i will feel like i have achieved something. i think that talking about things is important, it helps me alot. so heres my story:

I have a mum, dad and sister. i was a normal child, i went to primary school, secondary school and 6th form collage. In primary school i was normal, i didnt really stick out but a small group picked on me, i didnt tell anyone. it wasnt really an issue, i ignored it. it was mainly because i was short and had glasses, but one day when i was at the drinking fountain in primary school, a boy in my class pushed my head into the drinking fountain and knocked out my front teeth. I told the teacher, as it was a bit obvious that something had happened, and they said it was an accident, and the boy got away with it.

In secondary school it was a fresh start, but in the second year a group of girls thought it would be funny to call me horrible names and be nasty, it was all verbal. At the time it happened i didnt do anything but if you are called names and verbally abused then you start to think there is something wrong with you, and they are right. In the 4th yr i confided in a friend and told her i thought i was a lesbian or bisexual i didnt know?! and she told a really horrible girl, she was popular and she told some people, and a few times she cornered me in the corridors and told me i was disgusting. i lost all my confidence and withdrew into myself. With that and a few other things going on in my life i thought i wasnt good enough. By the age of 15 i still didnt have a boyfriend or girlfriend, i think only a few of my friends had them, but that wasnt the point, i thought there was something wrong with me. Because of the bullying i had no confidence, i thought what was being said about me was true, and it lead me to stop eating and then i moved on to selfharm. i thought i was ugly and fat. i thought if i stopped eating it would change the way i looked and people would like me. the self harm was to punish myself and then it became a coping mechanism.

The bullying had stopped but it had left an inprint in my mind. it totally changed who i was. i had no faith in teachers etc because at primary school nothing had been done. but in secondary school one teacher did notice there was somthing wrong and she asked a friend who asked me. people were starting to notice i wasnt eating anything and i had become a shadow of my former self. anyway my friends helped me to go talk to her on two seperate occasions and she gave me a shove in the right direction. although i never told her i was bullied, at this stage it had stopped so there was no point bringing it up again.

Obviously there are varying degrees of bullying, i didnt tell anyone, and for some of my friends who i hope will read this and help me with this site this will be the first you know of it.

I did see a counciller every week, but now i have stopped going because i have full time work, and i didnt think it was making a huge impact on me. i always think of selfharming, but i dont do it. once in a while i slip up, but i try not to. my eating is alot better than it used to be. 

All of this happened as a knock on effect of bullying. Some people reading this might say i was stupid to believe what the people said to me, and that i was an idiot to stop eating and selfharm and that the bullying wasnt bad, but verbal bulling can really mess with your head, i cant really explain why it happened, i just shut down and i needed a way out i guess.

Thanks to my close friends and the teacher who helped me. music has been a big part of me as well. My Chemical Romance are an incredible inspiration to me. Also my parents have been really good about it, and as awful as it was telling them stuff they have helped alot.

and thats my story i guess...