I've wanted to write this for the longest time.. but never had well the time to do it. thats an excuse, more like courage i guess. I want to apologize for the people i have hurt or abandoned since i returned from rehab almost 4 years ago. all of you have had substantial influences in my life. some helped me through hard times, carried me (some literally) when i was at my worst. others helped me realize self worth and saved me another trip to rehab. some gave me the strength to keep going when i had nothing left. some gave me their hearts and others their time. looking back, i never meant to lose contact with any of you. i never meant to hurt you. if i did, i truly am sorry. i think about the things that i have done in my life and the changes that continually happen to me, shaping me into a different individual. i am not the same person i was when i knew most of you. you all have influenced the person i am today. i guess i avoid confrontation at all costs and if i feel something may be wrong i tend to hide away within myself and avoid speaking the truth, or how i feel, in fears of hurting the ones i love. when in reality, i end up hurting people by acting flaky or ignoring them all together. perhaps due to my insecurities i have hurt some of you in the past. truth be told i only hurt myself by losing some of the best friends in the world. my mind wanders at night before i fall asleep and oftentimes i find myself thinking of the things i have done in my life and the friends i have met and lost. i wonder how my life may have been changed having still had many of you in my life. i believe i would be a differnet person than i am now.. perhaps a better one. so for what its worth, i'm deeply sorry. and anyone who reads this and knows that this applies to you.. take it to heart and perhaps we may start over.. though it may be too lae and i have only myself to blame.