I broke my toe the other day.
It was my nephew's birthday, so we were at this bounce house place, and I didn't have shoes on.
I walked into this metal bench and stubbed my toe. I was afraid that I sheered it square off, and my first thoughts went to my family and also how it would affect my comedy career. How could I be funny with a body part missing?? I'd be pegged (no pun intended, as there's no such thing as a peg-toe anyway) as one of those run-of-the-mill 9-toed comics. The world doesn't need another comic with hacky toe jokes.
So, here's how it went down. After bouncing away the afternoon, I thought I'd bench myself for a few minutes and check the ol' cell phone to see if Comedy Central returned my calls yet. As I headed to the bench, I thought how the day was good and life was beautiful--hence the vim and vigor in my step. Then suddenly, CRACK!! I stubbed it, and it was a doozy!
Now, if I were home, I would have thrown myself on the floor and cried…not to mention that I wanted to curse like a toddler in Wal-Mart at 3am, and if you've experience that, you know that's worse than a truck driver or construction worker. Unfortunately, in public, adults aren't supposed to act that way, especially in a place where little kids are pummeling each other in giant inflatable cages and not complaining. Even snot-nosed little "Tyler," whose head was pounced on in bounce house number 3, barely let out a whimper as his neck was nearly snapped like a twig. Me laughing at Tyler is probably why God decided to smash my toe to smithereens. I deserved it.
The pain was so intense! My blood ran cold as a tsunami of chills sent a shock wave of goose bumps up my entire body. I could feel my ovaries shrivel as my body absorbed the pain so that the outside world wouldn't know what was happening. I had to express the pain somehow, and the only thing I knew how to do was to breathe extremely heavily. I may have even wet myself a teeny tiny bit.
I will admit, that the broken toe is self-diagnosed, so it may actually only be a boo-boo. Either way, there's no sympathy for toes. I could write a blog about completely losing a toe, and nobody would so much as send me a get-well-soon card. Although, really, you can't regenerate a toe, so what would be the point…you never really get well--not soon or ever. People have told me to go to the doctor, but they don't do anything for a broken toe. You don't get a cool cast that your friends can sign. Even if I had a cast, you can't write anything on it...there's barely enough room to write, "Ge." I doubt the doctor would even kiss it better, despite my excellent health insurance.
Oh well, I shall soldier on without casts, crutches, or kisses…
Here's a 13 second video of the fun I was having before the "incident"...
Posted By:Lisa Corrao
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