For most of my childhood and early adulthood, I mistrusted most women and hung out only with guys.  Three years ago, I shaved my head and adopted a low-maintenance short haircut which made me look interesting, rather than pretty.  Since that makeover, women in general have been much kinder and friendly with me. 

Recently I began growing my hair out and wearing makeup again.   I was sitting at a sidewalk cafe, and I was perplexed at the consistent pattern of  behaviour that began to emerge:  a woman would walk by, see me and shoot me a look of utter hatred.  Then I would stand up and struggle to walk with my cane, and their look would invariably change to one of pity.  I am not quite sure at which moment I disliked these women more-- when they were nasty towards me, or when they were pitying me because they no longer thought of me as a threat.

This past weekend, I attended a wedding with my boyfriend.  As we were leaving, a woman (who has known my boyfriend since childhood and has spent several pleasant evenings with both of us) came over to say goodbye.  She hugged my boyfriend and smiled warmly at him, but kept her distance from me.  She planted her feet and indicated with her body language that she did not want to hug me.  She simply uttered some vague social niceties and left me and my boyfriend in shock over her behaviour.

An outsider viewed this exchange and theorized all sorts of reasons for this woman's attitude.... but when all is said and done, the reasons don't mean a damn thing to me.  I am a human being with sensitive feelings.  I want to love others and be accepted by them.  And I went out of my way to be nice to this woman. 

I have every right to envy this woman for having the things that I currently don't have:  steady income, good health,  a loving husband, an I.R.A., health insurance, wisdom from years of overcoming life's challenges, etc.   But I don't envy her.... I am just happy for her.  If anything, it's an inspiration to see that those things do exist and it can only be a matter of time before I acquire at least some of them.

They say that jealousy often comes from a scarcity mentality.   For example, if you think there is a limited amount of money in the world, then you and I must be in competition with each other as we are trying to get that money.  But if you realize that there is enough available for all, then you realize that I can be rich and you can be rich, too.   And the first step towards acquiring your own abundance is to be genuinely happy for others.   

If you are a middle-aged woman who envies me for my youth, take a step back from your mirror.    Think of Sharon Stone, a woman who is much more beautiful now than she was thirty years ago.    Despite her wrinkles and slower metabolism, she now has the beauty of self-acceptance, the shine of self-confidence, and the swagger in her hips that comes from owning her power as a grown woman.    Do you think she would be jealous of me??? 

For more thoughts on this subject, check out "Who Do You See When You Look in the Mirror?"  click here for the article: My Inner World