Sigh...

Of all the gifts given to my being, one has long eluded me: the ability to sing.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I have amazing stage presence, and the agility necessary to pull down the requisite all nighter when the Thunder God commands. Yet, Steve Perry I am not.

No Steven, I won't stop believing.

Yet, a man has to admit when he can only barely bring himself to the same shrilling level of Joe Esposito. Who, ladies and gentleman, had the vocal power to help Daniel Russo single handedly take down Cobra Kai. Nevertheless, the power to bring down the thunder with a voice that struggles to break the sound barrier during an Yngwie Malmsteen shred session is something I shouldn't normally take pride in... let alone tell you about.

My rich, deep voice turns into something not intended to be unleashed upon the green plains of Kanas... only the coldest, deepest, and darkest caverns of despair.

Fortunately, my long years of toiling in front of a television screen have finally paid off. It began with Atari. It nearly peaked at the Blockbuster video game championships (yes, I was a teenage video game champion). Yet the climax itself finally came... and comes over and over again.

Rock Band, boys and girls. Finally, I too can be the Guitar God I've longed to be, just like Angus Young. I can finally shriek along with 'Screaming Eagle'. David Bowie? He's a chump compared to my glam alter ego, Captain Therioux.

So remember. Next time you think to yourself, "Arab reporters throwing shoes at my President?! I quit life!", just remember that at your local Wal-Mart there is the perfect holiday gift.

It comes with a guitar, a mic, and drums.

It will change your life.

Don't stop believing.