leading up to the events..

I remember waking up.. somewhere swimming in my head.  The bright sunlight making me toss and turn had faded to a late day.  I could feel the heat sifting through the open window next to my bed.

What the hell had been happening?  The summer had taken on a tone so twisted, it seemed wrong to think about.  Beyond consideration lay a place of acceptance where I sat smoking anxiety cigarette number one of that day.

The lighting disturbed me.  The entire room did.  It seemed too old, too new, too covered in layers of time.  Some things still lingered within the sandy white paint and floor boards.
I slapped the keyboard violently and a tune by Explosions in the Sky began playing on the surround sound speaker system.    Where now it would have been Mum, a year ago it would have been 'Short Story' by The Album Leaf.

Where does all this time go?  It flies by, and it crawls on.

I can't recall clearly what has happened over the past 11 days, most if it now lays in smudges in the corners of my brain, to rot away further.. but I will paint the pictures the best I can.  A series of moments, of days in this summer..  Like a flowing sewage tunnel beneath the city, it's always dark where we mingle.

It began that morning, just as I described.. in red boxers and a black t-shirt.  I was combing over the previous two months.. all the insanity that had blown by so fast.  All of my own familiar doing, so unaware.  The streak strikes through my memory like a wave of hot neon lights like aurora straight and long as a butcher knife jammed into my brain matter and left to be pondered and destroyed.

A month on the hot bed, twisting and turning in agony as I was burned slowly, from the inside out, left alone in the wilderness, catatonic, to be chewed to pieces by wild dogs.  I was cast off in this state by the treachery and cunning of Gemini.

The pack circled me, out there in that warm field and I stood to my feet, wiping blood from my lip, my shoulder, lifting up my arms.  I shouted a bellow with blood-shot eyes, that made the dogs back off a few feet.  They growled angrily in my defiance.  I was exhausted, my body felt shaky, my bones thin, like they might crack to pieces.  I was covered in the wounds of the previous, but I had gathered leather, muscle in those times and I grasped at energy levels that seemed at a balance of being declined by a factor of 10 and resupplied by a factor of 7. 

Time was against me, as moment drew more away from me.  The wild beasts circled, among the trees, testing my fear and resolve, but I showed no fear to their eyes, only held it deep within as a source of further energy, though the poisonous nature of it only sapped my spirit more quickly at it's place within.  So close to my broken heart.. I shouted out again, daring them nearer. 

The beast to my rear jumped onto my back, tearing at my shirt, and breaking into flesh  I swung away with the full force of my body, throwing my self sideways to the ground and the beast slammed hard against the turf, bouncing off into a tree.  I had quickly regained my feet when two more swarmed in, one latching to my right leg, the other lunging straight at my chest.  I rolled down directly onto the beast that had latched onto my leg, making the second miss.  I growled in pain and angst, and grabbed it's throat, twisting it's neck.  Another of the beasts charged right at me, and I punched it in the head, but it came down on me, snarling and tearing into my chest.  I felt fresh blood draining as I rolled away, attempting to catch my feet, but falling to one knee. 

They were circling again.. several more had arrived.. and a giant beast had appeared, twice as big as the previous dogs.  My spirit fell, as it had been waiting to fall since the fight began.  I could not hold out any longer.  They all circled now, so many.. with more barking and approaching from the woods beyond.  I crawled toward the giant beastly animal, so huge, vicious and terrible.  It's eyes glowed red.  I stared it directly in the eyes, the darkest stare I had ever given to another pair of eyes in my time.  I crawled to it, on my hands and knees, letting out a breath, coughing lightly.. and turned my head, offering it my neck.  The beast lunged forward and I swiftly swung my head into it's path.  We cracked skulls, and I fell over, fading from consciousness, to see the giant beast laying dead next to me.  The rest swarmed, 8 or 9 of them.. devouring me there in the emptiness.. as I lay weeping, then silent.. silence overcoming.

That is how it happened.. I tried so hard to fight it, but in the end, it had been inevitable.  A new course for me to take,  a new trial, and a new adventure.

The next months were filled with many dark days, bright moments, sadness and insanity. Much was lost.  I was a walking ghost for many weeks.  All my friends could see it.  They asked me to stop, but I could not.  They asked if they could help, they could not.  They feared my death, as many nights I contemplated it.. but in the end I knew, that all of this was meant to happen, it had to happen and it would happen, as much as the sun would rise the next morning.

Many days I spent speaking to counsel, my dear friend Josi, who helped me so much through those times.  My dear friend Danny, who stood with me despite all the confusion and all the loss I felt.  To all those who stood with me and vowed to take up arms against those who had left me where I had come, and held me up with their very strength, their very arms.. I most deeply thank you.

It took one person and one week in Eau Claire for me to come free.  To process and move forward, as it were.. it took a part of me, that existed out side of me.  A girl by the name of Stephanie.  As much as my own clear voice in my head, she was as much like me and attuned to me as any human could hope to be.  When I heard her words, I knew for certain, she spoke truth.  It took a voice from without, with a tone from within, to come out.   I spent a week in Eau Claire with her.. sorting it all out, and having real fun, away.

I knew the worst time was ahead, the final cut away.  I spent it in Tampa Bay over the last week in July.  I spent it with my father and sister, among white sand beaches, and humid days, palm trees and salty ocean water.

This is where the next phase began.  My return home, after being away for so long.  After only a few days, these 11 days occurred.  Strange turns and events, hanging with old friends and new friends, experiencing the weird.. the conversations by firelight.. the absence as well as presence of those who understand me, and seek to understand.

Somewhere in those insane weeks, where I walked around as a ghost, I had met a guy named Ashton.  And that morning, as I described it.. he called me up, and invited me over.  I had just had my license returned to me, and my car was functioning as well as it could.  I took a shower, got dressed in blue cords and a radiohead t-shirt, and headed over.