I decided to write this since so many of you tend to have the same questions about who I am. Up until a litttle over a year ago modeling was nothing I had ever dreamed of doing. I had a story book childhood in my opinion... typical mom and dad that loved me, an older brother i adored, sports family trips...everything seemed perfect.  Even that mothers day when my world was crushed and turned upside down. I will never forget until the day I die watching my dad walk out the door with a grocery list, or what it felt like to sit there hour after hour with my mom and my brother waiting for him to come walking through the door. Its hard for someone to understand how terrifying it is to look for some one they love that's missing and the anguish you feel waiting and wondering if that person is alive, are they alone and suffering? How hard the thoughts are like if one of us had gone with him would he have come home? It was weeks later when we found out the truth of his disappearance. My father, the man that we all adored, had not been killed or harmed in anyway,but made a choice to just keep walking and never look back. I was 13 at that time and my brother was only 16. I don't think it ever crossed his mind the pain his actions caused us. At least when somebody passes away there is closure and you have the peace knowing that they loved you and didn't choose to leave you. How do you find peace knowing that the person who gave you life is out there living somewhere and not even care to check on you or see if you are ok. The reality of what happened then and the struggles that have come  from it is what has made me who I am today.

We went from having everything, to having very little. Life was hard but it made me appreciate the important things in life. Family, health, friends, and things i had never really given much thought about became my focus. The material things we lost could always be replaced, but the love and strength we found in eachother were irreplaceable. What did that make of me? I became very hard working, and was a successful gymnast and student. Since then I set my goals very high and I aim higher. People want to know why I am so hard working all the time. Maybe it's because I remember a life going without and I never want to feel that pain again, or maybe it's that combined with the determination I felt as a gymnast where second place was never good enough for me. whatever the reason I am who I am. Because of hitting rock bottom I am not afraid to take chances and put myself out there. Playboy is a perfect example. While most girls were brought up doing beauty pageants and modeling was second nature to them, I was busy climbing trees and playing in the mud. When the opportunity to model for Playboy came a couple years ago, I laughed about it. Not about PLayboy itself, because I have always had respect for the magazine and that lifestyle, but the thought of ME modeling period was hysterical!  I took the chance and one thing led to another... and I am now having the time of my life. I get messages daily from girls asking me if I think they should try for playboy... and my answer is always absolutley. Even if you are not selected you are not a loser. The one who has lost out is the one who sat back and was too afraid to try. I am not just talking about Playboy here, but anything, whatever you want to do in life. You are your own destiny and hold your future in your own hands. How exciting is that? to know that no matter what obsticals life  throws you, you can  do anything you want to do if you set your mind to it. This has been by far one of the most amazing years of my life. I feel so blessed with everything that Playboy has brought me. I love Hef, all the girls, and the entire staff... they have become my second family. My family and friends who have always been there to love and support me will forever be in my heart. When I sit back and look at my life now everything is how it should be.